Jokes (possibly NSFW)

robert@fm · 02-05-2008, 11:59

They say laughter is the best medicine, so here goes.

"007, you've been our top spy for 40 years and your hair is beginning to turn grey."

"What are you telling me, M -- do you expect me to start wearing a wig?"

"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to dye."

Terrie · 04-05-2008, 05:43

Yes, it sure is Robert. LOL. Thanks for that Funny one.

Terrie · 08-05-2008, 14:58

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."

"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

robert@fm · 10-06-2008, 23:30

A man walked into a bar and heard a voice saying "Goodness, sir, you do look smart tonight." Immediately followed by another saying "No he doesn't, he's fat and ugly."

Baffled, he asked the barman "What on earth was that all about?"

The barman replied "Sorry sir; the peanuts are complimentary but the jukebox is out of order."

Terrie · 11-06-2008, 13:24

Hi Robert...always Nice to see Ya.

LOL I had heard that in the eyes of someone who has had 1 too many at a bar, that the rest of the People supposedly get better-looking.

Thanks for another Funny one Robert. It fits in Well with Diabetes.

robert@fm · 15-06-2008, 23:19

Q: How many Pink Floyd fans/members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, I was really drunk at the time.

Terrie · 16-06-2008, 18:45

Geez Robert....

....crawling away from that one.

robert@fm · 17-06-2008, 15:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by robert@fm

Q: How many Pink Floyd fans/members does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: There is no lightbulb really; matter of fact, it's all dark.

Q: How many Wikipedians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: That's original research and hence not allowed.
A: Any of them, but the chances are it will get reverted anyway.
A. Light bulbs are not notable.[citation needed] This topic has been marked for deletion.

robert@fm · 17-07-2008, 10:12

Q: How many octopuses/octopi/octopodes (whichever spelling you prefer) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one; many hands make light work.

Q: How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six; one to change the bulb, five to relate to the experience.

Q: How many rednecks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Seven; one to change the bulb, six to beat off the hippies who have come to relate to the experience.

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None; he just gives it to seven rednecks, thereby reducing the problem to the one which has just been solved.

Terrie · 17-07-2008, 13:53

OMG Robert(holding my head)you're killing me here.

I haven't even had time for a coffee yet.

I like the 1st one the best.

There were a few occasions through the years that I wished I was a hippie but from the looks of that last riddle I guess I'm more like mathematian material.

02-05-2008, 11:59	#1 (permalink)
robert@fm Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: London, UK Posts: 16	Jokes (possibly NSFW) They say laughter is the best medicine, so here goes. "007, you've been our top spy for 40 years and your hair is beginning to turn grey." "What are you telling me, M -- do you expect me to start wearing a wig?" "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to dye."

17-07-2008, 13:53	#10 (permalink)
Terrie Super Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Ontario Canada Posts: 566	OMG Robert(holding my head)you're killing me here. I haven't even had time for a coffee yet. I like the 1st one the best. There were a few occasions through the years that I wished I was a hippie but from the looks of that last riddle I guess I'm more like mathematian material. __________________ *****Life Is A Highway.......**T.C.

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04-05-2008, 05:43	#2 (permalink)
Terrie Super Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Ontario Canada Posts: 566	Yes, it sure is Robert. LOL. Thanks for that Funny one.

08-05-2008, 14:58	#3 (permalink)
Terrie Super Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Ontario Canada Posts: 566	Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change." Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes." "You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

10-06-2008, 23:30	#4 (permalink)
robert@fm Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: London, UK Posts: 16	A man walked into a bar and heard a voice saying "Goodness, sir, you do look smart tonight." Immediately followed by another saying "No he doesn't, he's fat and ugly." Baffled, he asked the barman "What on earth was that all about?" The barman replied "Sorry sir; the peanuts are complimentary but the jukebox is out of order."

11-06-2008, 13:24	#5 (permalink)
Terrie Super Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Ontario Canada Posts: 566	Hi Robert...always Nice to see Ya. LOL I had heard that in the eyes of someone who has had 1 too many at a bar, that the rest of the People supposedly get better-looking. Thanks for another Funny one Robert. It fits in Well with Diabetes.

15-06-2008, 23:19	#6 (permalink)
robert@fm Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: London, UK Posts: 16	Q: How many Pink Floyd fans/members does it take to change a lightbulb? A: I don't know, I was really drunk at the time.

16-06-2008, 18:45	#7 (permalink)
Terrie Super Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Ontario Canada Posts: 566	Geez Robert.... ....crawling away from that one.

17-07-2008, 10:12	#9 (permalink)
robert@fm Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: London, UK Posts: 16	Q: How many octopuses/octopi/octopodes (whichever spelling you prefer) does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just one; many hands make light work. Q: How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Six; one to change the bulb, five to relate to the experience. Q: How many rednecks does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Seven; one to change the bulb, six to beat off the hippies who have come to relate to the experience. Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None; he just gives it to seven rednecks, thereby reducing the problem to the one which has just been solved.