A marriage in crisis

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A marriage in crisis


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Old 06-14-2016, 01:38   #1
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Unhappy A marriage in crisis

Hi, I just joined today and was happy to a section for family and friends of diabetics.

My husband was diagnosed just over a year ago at 45 years of age. I can honestly say the past year has been the worst of our lives, it even beats the year my mother died of cancer.

His roller coaster of moods is really taking its toll on me and my 3 young children. I just want to walk away.

A typical 3 week cycle includes the angry guy, the lathargic on the couch for days guy, the hyper, irresponsible, irrational, manic guy, the lathargic guy again and then for a short period, the beautiful loving father and man I married guy.

It's the manic guy I can't cope with the most. I HATE HIM. He's loud, irresponsible, talks too fast to comprehend, makes poor decisions, tries to be funny, tries too hard to please me (gets it wrong), he lies, he steals and he's just down right embarrassing. I would never have even said hello to this character let alone marry him! I can't provide loving support to a man that verbally abuses me! I have nothing for him.

I've never been included in his care, not even the dietitian thought it sensible to include the primary cook into the equation. He's very private about his sugar levels etc and as hard as I try to cook healthy food, I know that he eats a lot of things outside of my control and I'm really angry that he's not taking responsibility for his health. He still smokes too.

I just don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to or where to get support. I've been trying to convince him to go to marriage counselling for years (initially just for general marriage maintenance) and recently he agreed but he went ahead with it by himself through his work and I haven't even been included yet.

Well thanks for reading if you've got this far. If nothing else it was good to get some frustrations out. I know he is suffering and this isn't easy on him but this post is about me and my kids today. I have to find a solution or I'm going to have to leave.

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Old 06-14-2016, 04:14   #2
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My heart goes out to you in what is a very difficult situation for you and your children. I have no advice, just a lot of sympathy.

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Old 06-14-2016, 17:40   #3
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Hi flick...and welcome to the forum. I have had type 2 diabetes for over 10 years now. I really did not get good control of it until last year with the help of many on this website.

I have to say that I have never experienced anything like what you are talking about with your husband, I have been married for over 47 years, if I were ‘acting up’ my wife would let me know for sure…!
I also have never read that diabetes impacts ones behavior, except making you feel really sick if your blood sugar is really high or really low. If your husband is changing his moods because of super high or super low blood sugars, he needs immediate medical interventions, as this could be dangerous for him, but the way you describe this, it sounds more behavioral than medical, but I am no doctor...

My suggestion is seek professional help and maybe counseling as you both made need help adjusting to this change in your lives...a good counselor will be able to lead you to both medical issues and behavioral issues....

Good Luck

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Old 06-15-2016, 11:59   #4
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Hi I'm just getting the hang of replying. Your post stuck in my head so I wanted to reply . My mother knew my father was sick because he pulled off a tablecloth and swore. Since he had not ever done that she knew he was sick so she sent him to the dr and he was diagnosed . He was so bad he went right on insulin. I was diagnosed about 15 yrs ago. So about 53 then. I have suffered from anxiety and panic. I think the diabetes undiagnosed had an impact. I'm quite good now on a small dose of imiprimine.
Sometimes when my blood sugar was low I've lost my temper. So I have to be aware of bs and diet and meds. My improvements had a lot to do with my last dr who was strict and encouraging and informative. Now I exercise try to eat ride and take my meds.
I think you should participate with your husband . At the same time he has to be responsible for learning what works for him and his feelings.
Wait for a time he seems relaxed and happy and discuss it with him. Wouldn't hurt to have some counselling together which I did with my now departed husband when he was brain injured .
It is not easy when there is a big lifestyle change with a partner. Even counselling for yourself might help. Learning about diabetes is smart.
I'm on this forum to improve my eating and lower my blood sugars. I love the support and info. I'm glad you expressed yourself and I'm sure it will get better.

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Old 06-16-2016, 14:12   #5
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Thank you everyone. I really appreciate your kind words and advice.

Yesterday when he was calm and the loving husband that I know, I had a very honest talk with him. I usually just want to enjoy him when he's like that and avoid any confrontation but I knew it had to be done. He's accepted his moods are a problem and he's agreed I need to be at the counselling sessions too. I really think he's too relaxed about his eating so he's committing to a low carb, high fat diet I've been researching. I'm hoping this will help with his levels and ultimately with his moods.

It won't be easy but it's a good start. Watch this space!

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Old 06-16-2016, 23:53   #6
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yes, mutual commitment and a good counselor plus communication between species. i, personally have 35 years invested in the same woman, i don't want another or different one. forgiveness, forgiveness, even if, even if, you don't want me anymore.....

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Old 06-17-2016, 19:42   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glwilso8 View Post
forgiveness, forgiveness, even if, even if, you don't want me anymore.....
Paraphrasing Don Henley? Really?

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Old 06-17-2016, 21:25   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bounty View Post
Paraphrasing Don Henley? Really?
you betcha. don't now that an announced biblical perspective would be well received. so, i got lemons, we making lemonade. and forgiving one another allows love to exist where resentment builds walls and plants the seeds of discord. no hate to keep me warm- i heat with wood.

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Old 10-20-2016, 02:57   #9
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I don't think it's relatedto his diabetes. You should try to speak with him about this when he is on the "loving father phase". Communication is key to maintain a healthy marriage. if you can't sort this out by yourselves, find professional help.

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Old 12-23-2016, 16:49   #10
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It's been 6 months . . .. Any news to report--good or bad?

(I know it's been a long time, but you did tell us to watch this space.)

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