so...how would you feel/respond if?

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so...how would you feel/respond if?


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Old 07-21-2012, 04:25   #1
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Thumbs down so...how would you feel/respond if?

Somebody you care about and who you believe cares about you informs you that...

quote "You act like it's the end of the world. All this can't eat this and can't eat that. It's not like it's going to kill you" end quote, said in an angry/hostile way.

This is a person to whom I have explained everything about my blood sugar, my seeking low readings and the consequences for me if I let them stay high. This is the person who I believed to be my support person. I thought he understood .

OK a couple of beers had been consumed but I can't get out of my head that whatever the alcohol consumption these thoughts were in his head and coming out of his mouth. There was also some belittling of how I appeared during a hypo and yes I am aware that during a hypo I probably appear drunk.

It's been a couple of weeks now and I don't think that normally I hold a grudge because I don't like the feeling but I just cannot seem to get over this. It hurts like hell. It's there in my head when I wake up without me trying to summon up the memory or wallow in it or anything like that.

Any ideas because I don't like the way I am feeling.

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Old 07-21-2012, 05:09   #2
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I don't think his comments mean he doesn't care about you, I think it means he doesn't understand, and the more we try to explain, the more tedious we come across.

I know - for a fact - that I must have bored people to death about my diabetes. It was consuming me, and spilled out all the time. I haven't had the sort of circumstance you have, but have made an effort to just say 'no thank you' or in some way play down the focus on my food. It's my focus, but I try very hard not to make it everyone else's.

What about talking with him, asking where those comments came from. Encourage him to be honest. Do you talk too much about it? Does it interfere in his life in some way? Are there places he wishes you two could eat that you don't want to do? Does he wish he/you could cook different things? Give him a chance to express what he's feeling - be curious not accusing.

Even some of our friends who are diabetic don't get it, because they don't manage their diabetes as well or tightly as we do. I'm guessing nearly every person on this forum knows at least one person like that - so he isn't unusual.

I'm sorry it hurt you - and I'm sure it was the tone even more than the words.

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Old 07-21-2012, 05:57   #3
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Hello Hillary,

You obviously are a very sensitive person. Understand that and give 'yourself' some time. Just like relationships don't build overnight, they don't break with one comment. You could assign a number of reasons to the gaffe & let it pass on. If it repeats a second or the third time, then probably you need a head on resolution.

Disclaimer : These are my opinions and in no way binding on you or meant to upset you further.

Healthy Regards.
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Old 07-21-2012, 06:00   #4
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Hillary, don't let it consume you and eat you up inside. Those who don't deal with diabetes and the repercussion of being uncontrolled do not have any idea of what it is like to live the life of one. I try not to mention too much how I can't eat this or can't eat that. I just make sure to choose the foods I can eat and work around that. I guess I'm lucky I don't have really problems with anyone questioning why I didn't have a piece of toast or hashbrowns with my breakfast, or why I pretty much only eat salads for lunch, and really no grains most of the time. Once in a while I will indulge in something small, but not very often. I guess because most of the people I am around daily are family who are well aware of the fact that I am severely insulin resistant, on insulin, and have tried all other ways to control my blood sugar. Most of my family has adopted a lower carb way of eating even though they don't have to. They just see it as being a healthier option. But again, my Mom passed away at the age of 66 from end stage renal failure that was caused by Type 2 diabetes, so my family will do whatever is necessary to help me with my lifestyle changes to become healthier. Again, I'm very fortunate.
I would do what moon's advice was; ask him where that came from, and why? Do you talk about it alot? If so, then just enjoy what you can eat without making comments about what you cannot eat. I've never really thought that people really paid attention to what others were eating anyway. But, perhaps you are just obsessing out loud without realizing how much you really do talk about it.
I wish you luck, and remember, you are doing this for you and nobody else. Just live your life and forget the things you "can't have" and the things you "can have". Just do it and enjoy.
Hugs! I hope things get better.

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Old 07-21-2012, 06:57   #5
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((((Hillary)))) "In vino veritas" . . . I guess we've all heard it before.

I know how it hurts, and I know it doesn't just wash off our backs in a coupla days. And yeah, it's in our minds the first thing every morning & the last thing every night.

If it becomes possible to talk about it, by all means do. If it isn't possible, perhaps it's because he's embarrassed/ashamed that his feelings came out in such angry words. If it's even possible to get to the stage where he's sorry he hurt you, but still stands behind what he said - that might be progress.

My recent experience with a beloved one unloading (with a capital U!) on me was about six weeks ago & she hadn't even been drinking. It hurt something horrible at the time, it hurts now even though there has been some small movement toward explanation/understanding, and I expect it will always hurt when the memory recurs. But it isn't consuming me quite so much now, and perhaps in the future it will fade into the deeper recesses of my consciousness. I so hope the same will happen with your incredibly painful episode.




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Old 07-21-2012, 07:09   #6
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I'm no help I guess, but I have food allergies and now and again am asked why I can't eat gumbo for example made with okra, like it is a food dislike when it is a true allergy and as tho' I am weird, and I only say I can't. I have learned over the years that more words can lead to arguments so I just order something else if I'm told it contains something I can't eat. It is I who get the asthma not them, so I take care of myself and don't expect them to do it. It doesn't matter to me since I'm the one to bear the consequences, not them. They don't control me and my diet. I tend to change the subject, but find sometimes it is interesting to ask if there isn't something they can't eat. Usually there is...




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Old 07-21-2012, 13:30   #7
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I rarely discuss my diabetes even with those who are closest to me. There is no way they will understand. Even my husband who is diabetic but treats it as a minor inconvenience doesn't understand so I have stopped discussing it. Once a few years ago during a holiday I was talking to my adult daughters about their risk for diabetes . They both looked at me and said, Why do you take this Diabetes thing so seriously. I don't think people realise you can die from this if you don't take care of yourselves. I wouldn't judge your friend so harshly, give him time. With my husband I have tried to educate him slowly. At least now he does read labels. But he still gets mad at me when I am in a restaurant and I ask the server all sorts of questions about carbs in the food.

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Old 07-21-2012, 16:44   #8
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I am visiting an old family friend this evening, and yes, we are having dinner, there. An adult family member was eating a highly-restricted diet for many yrs and another member resented it. Seems an alt med doc ran a bunch of antibodies on the person and prescribed the diet. Foresaid person lost WAY too much weight, and family doc made them resume eating many of the foods. No idea if restriction helped in any way or not.

So, now I am sure MY diet is viewed through jaded lenses. Nevermind, we are bringing our own foods -- esp. since there was an offer to make Krap macaroni and cheese for the kids (who we are trying to move toward Paleo!). SIGH.

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Old 07-21-2012, 17:59   #9
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When I visit relatives I arrive with a cooler full of my low carb foods. I am sure they think my diet is wierd, but I don't really care. I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I don't look to my family and friends for diabetic support, I have you guys for that.

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Old 07-21-2012, 22:06   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jwags
When I visit relatives I arrive with a cooler full of my low carb foods. I am sure they think my diet is wierd, but I don't really care. I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I don't look to my family and friends for diabetic support, I have you guys for that.
I'm fortunate to have a BH who totally gets it and often will remind me of things when eating out. I have friends who try really hard, just miss sometimes. But at least the thought is there and the attempt is made.

What's disappointing to me are my diabetic friends and coworker. They think I'm overdoing it and will give up in a couple months. It's just frustrating that the ones you think would be the most understanding are the ones who are clueless!! My tattoo artist understands it more than they do.

*looks for that hair pulling emoticon*

Ok. Rant over. Sorry

Sent from my iPhone

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