How do you cope?

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How do you cope?


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Old 11-28-2012, 19:45   #1
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Default How do you cope?

There are many of us here dealing with a multitude of issues. I am currently having a hard time dealing with all of mine. It is just so overwhelming trying to manage a career, be a good husband and father and deal with chronic diseases.

I hate to dump this on you all but I have to say it somewhere. Everybody I know is dealing with their own problems so I have been holding this in and told nobody yet. My wife doesn't even know. I have found out I have cancer in my thyroid. I go today to see if I will have to have my chest cracked to remove it. I am dealing with severe clinical depression and think about suicide everyday. I don't have a plan or intend to act on the thoughts but it is frightening in that I don't know if that will change. I have become non functioning at work and at home. I don't sleep but 3 hours a night if I am lucky and I cry like a little girl almost on a daily basis. I just realized today that I haven't tested my BG or taken insulin in over a week. I also realized that I haven't really been eating for the past week. At least not to what I am used to. I know it sounds crazy but I just haven't thought about it. I am always hungry but I just feel like it is pointless anymore. I am in another world right now. I feel like I am on the outside looking in. Like I am watching my life on TV but haven't turned on the TV in over a week. I really don't know where the time has gone. I am breaking out all over my body in these little bumps. My gallbladder keeps flaring up. My neck and chest ache from this huge mass on my thyroid and I have had a headache for as long as I can remember. My BG has probably been all over the place but I haven't cared. Haven't cared about much lately. I am just sad all the time. I have lost all joy in life. I can hardly look at my kids without crying. I avoid people at all costs. I feel completely worthless because I can't seem to accomplish the simplest of tasks at work. I feel guilty because I haven't been spending as much time with my kids doing the things they enjoy. I feel like a joke. I used to have so much drive and gumption but now I am a mere shell of my former self. I try to tell myself that this to shall pass but I don't believe it. It is all smoke and mirrors. I will never be the same. My life has changed and I will never be who I was. The best I can hope for is to at least survive.

So how do you cope? Do you find the struggle to be too much at times or am I just a pansy who needs to put his big girl pants on and deal with it?

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Old 11-28-2012, 20:07   #2
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I wish I had the words to make some kind of difference for you. I have not been where you are right now, but please know that you are NOT a pansy. I am glad that you have found a place to share your feelings. Please let us know what you learn today!!

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Old 11-28-2012, 20:11   #3
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Life can suck sometimes can't it. I think the biggest hit to a man is his ego. I was brought up that as a man I am the one responsible for the health, happiness and well being of my family and when crap like this springs up you feel as though your failing in this regards. But your not failing rudeboysti, you just got a huge hurdle to jump over right now. Your going to have to tell your wife and kids and let them support you for a change. I know its hard, I kept the seriousness of my heart condition from my family for 9 mnths, until one day we went to a festival and while walking with my daughter and wife I nearly vapor locked on them. They cried all the way home, made me feel pretty bad, I saw the doc with days of that event.

There is a small section in the base of every ones brain that controls will power, you need to find out how to massage yours, you got a journey ahead of you. We will be here. Looking forward to talking about my new TV set up, you would be proud of me.

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Old 11-28-2012, 21:16   #4
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Thanks guys.

I just don't know how to get over that hurdle. I don't have the strength anymore. I am so tired.

I think you are completely right regarding male ego. I have always been a fixer. I am the person everyone in the family turns to for help with their problems. I always have the worst time with my own though.

I have completely lost control of my mind and emotions. I sat in my work parking lot for 30 minutes this morning crying for no good reason. I used to be a rock. Calm, cool and collected. I thrived on pressure. Did my best when under the gun. Now I go into a panic attack at the first sign of pressure. I am a zombie. I slumber around but I am not really there.

I need to get out of this funk but it is like quick sand. The harder I try, the deeper I go.

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Old 11-28-2012, 21:28   #5
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Those thyroid hormones are wrecking your day for you. Up, Down, Up, Down. can the doc give you something short term to smooth them out. I was the fixer, the rock everyone else turned to when they had problems. So it was a big blow to my ego. I'm back, it just takes a certain want to, have to. Use that ego you got in a constructive manor. I got to get well to take care of my family.

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Old 11-28-2012, 21:49   #6
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We're all here to listen when you need to vent but you need to share this with your family as well. Perhaps you should also consider getting some professional help. With everything that's going on and you trying to keep it all in there's risk for a serious depression.
Keep posting whenever you need to!

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Old 11-28-2012, 21:56   #7
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May I ask if counseling is an option for you??? I know that having someone w/ whom to speak is vital - and maybe somebody in real time is an appropriate choice???

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Data from 9/19/12
A1C 5.9
EAG 123
Chol 120 HDL 49
TriGl 195 LDL 32
Dr recommends 120 AM 140 PM
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Old 11-28-2012, 22:07   #8
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Sorry to hear things are becoming so difficult right now. It sounds like it may be time for you to try and lean on someone for help! I know it can be difficult, but sometimes, and it would seem in your case you could really use it.
Speaking as a wife I would be really upset knowing that my own husband was keeping something as serious and difficult to deal with from me.
Us, women by nature, are nurturers and that is what we do best, we can't fix every problem, but it is in our DNA to at least try and do whatever we can.
I am sure that your wife would want to know and try to support you in whatever way she can. Let her it sounds like you need someone to help carry some of this.
Just a women's opinion!

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Old 11-28-2012, 22:28   #9
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Is there some way you could get sick leave from work for a while? You are sick, and your thyroid tumor is playing havoc with your emotions. You should also trust in your wife to support you. Society tells us that men don't have emotion, but that's a lie. If you've ever held your wife while she cried, you know how much it helped her. Let her do the same for you.

I am glad you will find out soon about the surgery. You also have to tell your doc about the depression. He can prescribe some medication that will help you sleep and get out of this short term mess until you have the surgery and your thyroid can be evened out.

(((hugs))) good luck.

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Old 11-28-2012, 23:07   #10
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Life sometimes sucks, and it seems like your life is hard on you right now.
I truly believe everyone, man or woman, needs help and support sometimes. I guess your wife will comfort you if she gets the chance, and you need her strength.
Even if I`m a woman, I have to say it was a hard lesson to realise I no longer was the strong glue in our family, but instead I had to learn to let my family do all those things for me as I no longer could do them myself. I guess it is even harder for a man to not longer being able to fix everything.
I found that life got much easier when I focused in all the good things in life and allowed my family to step forward.
Life will get better!
Take care
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