was I out of line?

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was I out of line?


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Old 10-28-2013, 04:10   #1
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Let me start by saying for the first time in 60 years my family (sibling and kids 20+ people) are going to a restaurant for Thanksgiving. I declined to go but i would to meet everyone after for dessert at my sisters house. I got an email by accident where they thought it was because I was too pore to afford the restaurant and they were going to split my meal. below is my response. Am I out of line?


Hi All


Thanks for thinking of us, It is not the money per se,



I is pore, but not so pore I cant afford to go.


I dont have to but I will try to explain;



Its getting a plate served to me with
mashed potatoes (that I won't eat)
and bread (that I won't eat)
and sweet potatoes full of sugar (that I won't eat)
and stuffing (that I won't eat)

and peas with maple sugar (that I won't eat)
and If I am lucky I can get dark meat... I hate white meat, I can hardly swallow it it its so dry and cardboard like.
and Gravy (I won't eat)
and dessert (I won't eat)

So how do I get seconds, or thirds of what I will eat.


I will taste all of the above (won't be as good as sissy's potatoes), and use a lot of insulin to do that. In the past I would go and hide to shoot up my insulin so you all never got to see. Now I have a pump so I just push a couple of buttons and get my insulin. Of course the whole time I am worried that if I guess wrong on how much insulin to take I might end up at the ER (hasn't happened yet, almost)


When you get a disease that is 100% fatal (unless you control it) you can control it any way you want, I control it with, diet, insulin and exercise. I intend to die looking at all my body parts still attached*. . After 27 years I have ZERO complications from diabetes and I want to keep it that way. It is a LOT of hard work and hard choices, restaurants do NOT help (no such thing as a low carb menu) I have to pick and choose what to eat and what to pass up and you never know what they have stuck sugar in. So I chose to pass up Thanksgiving at a restaurant.



So I spend $$ and go away hungry.


Thanksgiving at a restaurant is just...


This is not your problem its mine.



It might not be politically correct or justified (by your standers) but it is how I feel.


That is why I wanted to meet you all for desert.
I said most of my piece!






OK we will come.... Geesh, the peer pressure is Unbelievable.
We will be very happy to see all of you.



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Old 10-28-2013, 08:25   #2
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I don't think you're out of line insofar as this is family and you've probably already told them a thousand times you're diabetic - some people are remarkably dense on the matter.

Perhaps this will provide an opportunity for healing among this large family of yours and wind up being a great time to give thanks for the many blessings of your lives, including the fact that you're alive, healthy and not poor!

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Old 10-28-2013, 10:34   #3
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I agree with everything Tamagno posted. It's possible however, that they chose a restaurant thinking that everyone, including you, has the ability to chose freely from a number of different food options. It's not likely that this was what they thought though.

Still, my own opinion is that you wrote what we probably all need to write to friends and family. In the future, why not ask them to allow you to choose the restaurant and in that way, you can at least find one that suits everyone's food needs.

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Old 10-28-2013, 10:45   #4
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You did, after all, agree to attend after you explained your issues. And your issues are totally valid. Just because others don't understand it, doesn't mean you don't have honest complaints, and you choose to take care of your health instead of caving in.

They could at least choose a buffet, which some might think isn't very formal & festive for a holiday, but at least it gives people a choice.

I know there are restaurants around here - or there used to be years ago - which offer a Thanksgiving meal, and it's a specific meal - everybody gets the standard turkey & all the fixin's.

My problem with eating out on holidays is that I always come away thinking my own cookin' is better than what we got to pay for in a restaurant - even fancy restaurants. Nuthin' conceited about me! Or else we're just used to my cookin'!




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Old 10-28-2013, 11:25   #5
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I know that we all handle these types of situations differently. I have been in this situation a few times. Honestly, I don't have too, too much trouble finding at least something that I can enjoy off the menu, although as Shanny said, they may be serving a specific meal because it's a holiday. There was one place where I actually couldn't eat anything off the menu, as they offered absolutely no food made without some type of sauce already on it, so low carb was no option. I ended up enjoying a nice, fresh cup of coffee and good conversation with a few family members.

My number one rule is always this - eat before you go. Anytime we even go to a family member's house or anywhere where food will be served, unless I am 100% positive that there will be suitable offerings for me, I always eat before we even leave the house. I've also been known to even stick a snack in my bag that's suitable, in case I am still hungry on the way home.

I understand where you're coming from. Restaurants were a huge inconvenience for me, as I have a number of work luncheons that I attend at different times throughout the year, that I cannot get out of. I had no choice but to decide that on occasion, I would just enjoy the tea or coffee there too, without worrying about the food. I didn't even have to offer more than a, "oh, just not feeling like eating much today" type of saying.

With family, I know it's hard. In my case, when my family does something similar, I know that they really aren't thinking about what I need to stay healthy and are instead caught up in the moment of delight at the thought of the family coming together for a dinner or holiday. If they have their heart set on somewhere, they do know that I am always willing to go and enjoy their company while they enjoy their meal, even if the meal isn't to my liking.

Personally, I am in no position to tell you if you were out of line or not, as I don't know the intricacies of your family relationships well enough. I will say though, to enjoy the holidays and being with family wherever you may end up celebrating.

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Old 10-28-2013, 12:27   #6
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You did good. Every time I get the chance I try and educate someone on diabetes, we went to a restaurant last week and told the server I had food allergies , she asked what was the food...I told her I was diabetic and was allergic to sugar ,flour and most other starches. She learned something that day, she had never thought of it in that way.

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Old 10-28-2013, 14:34   #7
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I think you did GREAT! The farther removed I am from eating in restaurants, the more I think the entire industry needs revision, or at least downsizing!

I won't get political about it here, but I DO have political opinions about this too, not just my diet vs. our lucrative (for SOME people) restaurant industry in this country. And I do not mean just fast food.

But of course your family does not understand how many unknowns a restaurant meal represents from us. I am always a bit of an apologist and tell them, yes I know my way of eating is alien, but it is what I need to do to survive this terrible disease! I will stop there.

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Old 10-28-2013, 15:44   #8
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I like the idea of eating before you go.

Thanksgiving is all about family, spending time together, sharing our separate lives. Although they may feel badly about you're not eating, if you handle it right you can set their minds at ease and share your sentiment that it's all about them and how much you enjoy their company.

Bring a nice treat for yourself, enjoy the tea and coffee, enjoy each other.

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Old 10-28-2013, 16:22   #9
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At this restaurant there is no choice in food we get handed a plate.
As far as eating before Ive done that too.

Part of my frustration is
I have an older sister that is diabetic and eats everything and lets the MD control her diabetes (aint working so well she has complications and is upset at my A1c of 6.8) so every one thinks diabetes is no big deal (she eats just like everyone else). I have a niece that has ciliac and needs to eat gluten free. Well at every gathering people make a special note to make gluten free stuff (thats fine) I have a nephew that is vegan, at gatherings they make vegan dishes (thats fine) In 27 years of being diabetic with all the famly gatherings, (3 to 4 a year) only twice have I had a low carb option. THEY TAKE GREEN BEENS AND PUT SUGAR ON THEM.

Dont get me wrong I have a great family, they will and do give me the shirt off there back.

Im just tired of feeling like... I dont know, they appreciate me, but dont understand.

Ok it turned into a rant

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Old 10-28-2013, 16:41   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by diabetes86 View Post
At this restaurant there is no choice in food we get handed a plate. As far as eating before Ive done that too. Part of my frustration is I have an older sister that is diabetic and eats everything and lets the MD control her diabetes (aint working so well she has complications and is upset at my A1c of 6.8) so every one thinks diabetes is no big deal (she eats just like everyone else). I have a niece that has ciliac and needs to eat gluten free. Well at every gathering people make a special note to make gluten free stuff (thats fine) I have a nephew that is vegan, at gatherings they make vegan dishes (thats fine) In 27 years of being diabetic with all the famly gatherings, (3 to 4 a year) only twice have I had a low carb option. THEY TAKE GREEN BEENS AND PUT SUGAR ON THEM. Dont get me wrong I have a great family, they will and do give me the shirt off there back. Im just tired of feeling like... I dont know, they appreciate me, but dont understand. Ok it turned into a rant
Our diet is Complicated. A ton of prep and research has to be done for every meal. It's not as simple as gluten-free or being a vegan/vegetarian. Even within LCHF we differ per individual. What spikes me may not spike you, and vice versa. I used to get mildly offended, too. But, upon further thought, I realized that my diet takes years to master, even with that it's ever changing. How can I expect them to do what I myself struggle to do. It's beyond the call of duty, and they will probably get it wrong anyway. . Better for me to make a huge dish of fudge and serve them.

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