Dealing With Friends and Family

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Dealing With Friends and Family


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Old 03-18-2016, 19:52   #1
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Default Dealing With Friends and Family

When it comes to your diabetes, I am curious how you deal with friends and family, especially when it comes to things like eating out or special occasions.

Let me explain why I am asking.

When friends and family want to get together, (especially when it comes to special occasions) it can be very challenging for me when they choose a place that is very limited in things that I can eat.

I do try to check online (ahead of time) for nutrition information on the restaurant but that isn't always possible. Even more difficult for me is things like birthdays when people seem to get hurt or even offended if I politely turn down cake and ice-cream.

They simply do not understand that "just this once" really does hurt me because it can take days for me to get back on track, especially when it seems to wake up all the old cravings again.
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Old 03-18-2016, 21:42   #2
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I feel your pain.

Diabetes runs in both my family and my spouses's. I am the only one striving for non-diabetes normal. So not only do I have to fight people without diabetes - I have to put up with snarky comments from my spouse and my mother (with an A1c of 6.3 and 7.something, respectively, whose doctors tell them that is just fine). Not to mention the other half dozen relatives I can name without even thinking very hard . . .

I don't comment on, or disparage, their choices - I wish I could say the same about how they treat my choices.

On a practical matter, I haven't yet had an issue with eating out. Salads are a pretty reliable staple. Plain, grilled meat is usually ok. On special occasions I usually eat ahead - or bring a dish I can eat.

As for cake and ice-cream - they'll just have to be offended. At least the non-diabetic folks seem to understand diabetes + sugar = bad (even though that is so incomplete as to be very inaccurate), but they accept that explanation more easily than limiting calories.

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Old 03-18-2016, 22:18   #3
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It actually helps me just knowing that I am not alone in this - that others understand and have experienced the same thing. Thank you.

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Old 03-18-2016, 22:53   #4
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None of my family really give me a hard time about it. I grieve for my brother though who follows Dr's orders as well as he can and has lost his leg. He says he knows his bs is low by the way he feels-and "corrects" with a can of coke! I tried to explain about false hypos but I don't know what meds he's taking. He could in fact be having hypos depending on the meds he's on but he says he doesn't remember-whatever they give him. He's not a reader so I don't know if he has read Blood Sugar 101 which I gave him last year. I don't pester him about it. I just worry about him.

My father will be 90 this summer. He has been living with type 2 for decades. He takes glipizide, complains of being "shaky" but is otherwise in good health, good eyesight, still driving. He doesn't eat "sugar" but eats lots of carbs. His A1c is around 7 and his doc is fine with that. Daddy doesn't test his BS because his doc told him there was no point. At his age he doesn't want to change what he's used to and it does seem to be working well enough for him. He's been on low saturated fat and low cholesterol since his heart attack in the 1970s. I can't eat what he does-my bs would be sky-high.

New Year's eve at my sister's I asked for 1 apple slice from the apple crisp, 1 tsp of lemon filling from the pie and 1 each berry from the fruit bowl. One of my other sisters said "You're breaking my heart!" I said " My mouth will be happy but this won't send my blood sugar through the roof." They all know how I'm eating now and of course the 35 lb weight loss is impressive.
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Old 03-18-2016, 23:56   #5
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My biggest issue is the idea of family and friends that I need someplace "special" to go out to.

Whenever the subject of eating out comes up I'm the topic - Where can Larry go ?, What can Larry eat ?; Maybe "he" should pick the place.. Or when we go over to friends - What can I make for you ?...

I'm an adult, I can decide what to order, or not; and I can put the stuff I can eat on my plate...

When it comes to cake and ice cream I usually say that I'll share with the wife, and then not (or maybe I will take a spoonful if it's something really great) !!

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Old 03-19-2016, 00:59   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lawrence D View Post
My biggest issue is the idea of family and friends that I need someplace "special" to go out to.
Yup. There, too, I'm following in the footsteps of the patterns set by my spouse - who complains to high heaven when we go someplace that doesn't have sugar free/no sugar added desserts. (Meanwhile eating heaping helpings of pasta, potatoes, etc. - and - when there is no sugar free dessert, eating whatever sugar-heavy dessert there is (sometimes in addition to a sugar free dessert).).

My mantra has been, "Don't worry about me. I'll find something. If not, I always carry something with me for situations when the available food is not something I can eat. Really. Choose where you want to go. Aside from being careful about what goes in my mouth, I am perfectly fine nibbling or enjoying conversation and eating what I need to eat earlier or later."

My sister-in-law is good with it, but everyone else is a bizarre passive aggressive combination of snarky comments - and overly solicitous "where can neohdiver eat?""

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2 October 2015 (diagnosis) - HbA1c 7.2% - weight 197.3 lbs :: 7 March 2016 - First post-diagnosis check-up: Down 44 lbs, HbA1c 5.7%; all cholesterol values within normal ranges:: 20 March 2016 current weight 148.4 lbs

500 mg Metformin ER
50 mcg levothyroxine
5 mcg liothyronine

Diet: Max 20 net carbs/3 hours - 50 net carbs/day; protein target 60 g/day; calorie cap 1200
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Old 03-19-2016, 03:08   #7
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Default Less is More

I find dealing with friends is a whole lot easier than dealing with family. Most of the time less is more. The less I focus on it, or bring it up and make any deal out of it the better. The more they don't ask questions or think about it themselves.

I don't discuss my eating choices, or defend them to anyone. I figure that what I'm in the mood for I have that right to. I'm also over weight, so they just think I'm dieting. They're glad to see me eat differently so that I might loose this weight.

I don't blame anyone who is simply not educated in the diagnosis. It's not easy to understand. Even though it's popular enough for folks to have heard of it, and be somewhat familiar, it's still complicated even for me.

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Old 03-19-2016, 11:04   #8
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My mother resents me the most. She loves to cook and has loved hearing me "purr" when I eat something delicious my whole life.

She told her doctor about my T2 and how I had given up carbs. The doctor said, "That won't hurt her." My mother's reply was, "But she's really hard to cook for!"

Grr...
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Old 03-19-2016, 11:57   #9
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I'm like neohdiver, I make do wherever we go out to eat. My family learned a long time ago not to ask where can I eat. "Anywhere that serves whale blubber" usually gets a "Pawpaw!!!" response.

The few times I go out with friends from work at lunch, they know I eat lo-carb, so they aren't surprised when they see me peel the crust off of fried okra and someone always wants the roll and cobbler that comes with the hamburger steak lunch, no gravy. Putting the pat of butter in my mouth instead of on the hamburger steak doesn't provoke much conversation anymore. Most of them were broke in to what I eat and don't eat when I started bullet proofing my coffee.

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Old 03-19-2016, 17:08   #10
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My older sister also has diabetes no one in our family has had diabetes although we believe that my father who died of heart problems and his sister who had many problems including loss of a leg both had undiagnosed diabetes.

As for eating out or eating with family, I ask for nothing special and go wherever anyone wants to go. I have yet to find a restaurant that I cannot find a healthy meal on the menu (exclude Chinese menu), with a few changes when I order...e.g. No potatoes please could you substitute some veggies, or no bread please, but could I have a small dinner salad, or I think a glass of red wine will do me fine, etc. etc.

For family dinners, like Thanksgiving, we have deep fried turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, asparagus with hollandaise sauce, rolls, butter, Celery sticks with cheese stuffing, olives with blue cheese stuffing, and cheesecake and pumpkin pie with whipped cream for desert.

I eat Turkey, Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes w/gravy, asparagus w/sauce, Celery w/cheese, olives, cheesecake (it is low carb recipe from this site)...what's not to like. Our gravy is made with stock and powdered pork rinds to thicken...
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