Getting Past Self Blame and Guilt

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Getting Past Self Blame and Guilt


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Old 05-23-2016, 21:56   #1
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At the time of my initial diagnosis, I was in the best shape of my life, but I still went through incredible periods of self blame and tremendous guilt. I would drive myself crazy with "what if" thoughts. What if I would not have struggled with an eating disorder in my younger years? What if I hadn't been a smoker for so many years. What if_________?

This community has had a huge impact on helping me through that.

Discovering that folks from all walks of life deal with diabetes...

What has helped you?

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Old 05-24-2016, 00:41   #2
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5 years in and I am still struggle mightily with guilt and blame. First I was pissed at the doctors who couldn't diagnose a dead horse letting my high blood sugar do so much damage for 2 decades. Then I felt good for a while when I was able to control things nicely all by myself. Now that every day is a struggle, I am hating myself every minute of the day.

Hmm, I am sure I had a point... oh yeah! That the self blame isn't something that you conquer once and never feel again, it may come and go. Each time you may need to use different tricks to stay sane. My best trick is this forum. Even when I don't have it in me to post, y'all help me every day, even if you don't know it.
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Old 05-24-2016, 14:39   #3
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Well, I don't blame myself for the disease (Bad things happen to good people, really...we know that is true) but I blame myself horribly when I have a low blood sugar and I act awful. Even though I don't remember what happened exactly, each time it's a new manifestation of some inner person I don't want to be and never was in my past life. I try to give myself a mantra for those times: Be nice, they are trying to help you, just say yes, yes, yes, be nice! Sometimes I remember, but usually my brain is somewhere else...I blame myself. I feel very very ashamed when I am back to normal.

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Old 05-24-2016, 16:22   #4
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I spent most of my working life in a managerial role. During those many years I was fortunate to have extensive training specifically about dealing with people from many different perspectives. Most of the best teachings from those experiences applied not only to me and how I dealt with my staff, peers, and management, but also how I dealt with my family, friends, and myself.

The 'big one' for me is very simple to understand, but very difficult to apply to myself. But, in time I learned how to apply it to myself and in doing so unloaded a lot of 'baggage' in my head. ....

"Recognize that you cannot change things that you have no control over! Concentrate on things that you do have control over!"

A good example is getting diabetes...once you have it, their is nothing you can do to get over it! So thinking about the 'what if's' looking back is a total waste of time and emotion....better we use that same energy in managing the disease looking forward.

Like I said sounds easy, but is not! Yet if one works at it, you can actually change and stop bad feelings and lost mental energy on the past...!
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Old 06-11-2016, 18:01   #5
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I'm dealing with the guilt and blame myself. I use to be extremely active, biked everyplace, rock climbing, surfing, BMX, cliff diving, weight lifting, about 10 years ago I was fit as a fiddle. Then I got sick, first it was crohn's disease, then my joint damage finally catching up with me, then my back got worse, then I started getting random vertigo, then the fibromyalgia hit me. . .all those things made it really hard to stay as active as I once was and, over time, made it hard to actually function. Fell into alcoholism a bit, still dealing with that habit.

Being diagnosed this month has my brain blaming myself for not pushing harder, for not suffering through the illnesses to remain so active even though pushing through the haze I now live in would have likely done more harm that good and I know that but guilt and blame aren't exactly open to logic. I know what happened, I know it wasn't my fault but my brain doesn't care and is still kicking me for something I didn't have control of.

So yeah, as angry as I am at my body for doing this to me, I'm also dealing with the self blame stuff too right now and haven't yet figured out a way to shut it up.

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Old 06-11-2016, 19:10   #6
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Victor, it sounds like you've had it pretty tough for a long period of time. Are you trying small steps now? Success is a great reward, and I find that if I make small goals for myself, I can accomplish them and I feel better. Take a look at what you CAN do, perhaps, instead of what you can't do... and then do a little bit more of that. Don't let your brain be mean to you...show it some success. You deserve it!

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Old 06-11-2016, 19:17   #7
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Kathryn: I'm working on it. On the days when I don't feel like the walking dead I do some working out, mostly pedaling and weight lifting. It's really hard some days but others it can seem a bit easier. I pay for it in droves if I push too hard even on a good day but I think I've got down what my body can take and when. Even through all this I've tried to at least keep doing something because I want to be around for my fiance' and not in a box underground at a young age. It's a constant uphill struggle, but I've got a bit of a balance going now. I'm hoping that if I can up my activity levels some, somehow, maybe my brain will shut up. I also need to be careful because I don't want to end up underweight yet again and I know how gung-ho I can get about working out. Just gotta watch myself I guess.

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Old 06-11-2016, 19:38   #8
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Sounds like you're heading in the right direction. Coming to this Forum is a good idea, too. We all have struggles, and sometimes it helps to see we are not alone.

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Old 06-11-2016, 22:14   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Victor B View Post
Then I got sick, first it was crohn's disease, then my joint damage finally catching up with me, then my back got worse, then I started getting random vertigo, then the fibromyalgia hit me. . .all those things made it really hard to stay as active as I once was and, over time, made it hard to actually function.
I hear this. It seems that every time I turn around it's something else. Severe psoriasis is hard to live with as it is so visible, but then psoriatic arthritis kicked in. Next was rosacea with accompanying blepharitis which affects my vision. Then diabetes reared its ugly head and was soon followed by bad IBS. I don't so much feel guilty as I do depressed and defeated and very very alone. Most friends and family do not understand what it is like to live with not one but several severe chronic illnesses and can be very impatient with you when you dont feel good most days. When I get excited by things like a good blood sugar day or a few pounds lost they just roll their eyes but to me it is a small victory. It feels good to have found a place that I can say this and maybe people who understand that I am not whining.

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Last edited by moon; 06-11-2016 at 22:41. Reason: fixed quote
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Old 06-11-2016, 22:34   #10
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Chalup: Oh I know the feeling. My fiance's family is very judgmental about my health. Sadly what many don't understand is that ailments don't exactly check to see who else is already at the party before inviting themselves in, nor do they care what age someone is. I get the whole "But you're so young. . ." line a lot, yeah, I'm pretty young but I've been through a lot and some of the things I've been through triggered some of my health problems into showing up early.

I can say now, you'll get no judgment from me, I know what it's like and how the stigma about having multiple health issues can be. It can make you feel really isolated sometimes which sucks when you're already struggling with your health since depression does one's health no favors. If you ever need a willing ear to talk to about your health issues, even if it's just to rant, message me.

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