I need some words of encouragement

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I need some words of encouragement


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Old 04-16-2012, 19:13   #1
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Default I need some words of encouragement

This is going to be long and quite depressing.

5 yrs or so ago my wife came down with occipital neuralgia, a never ending unretractable pain in the back of her head. We spent thousands of dollars trying to get it diagnosed and treated but to no avail. She went thru numerous medications, acupuncture, steroid injects (10 of them at $800ech) and finally Botox. The Botox was done by a neurosurgeon who hit a vein by mistake, the out come was it paralyzed her neck for 3 months, she couldn't lift her head, had to wear a neck brace. She broke her foot and we stopped walking, I was then Dxed with D and soon after had a quadruple by-pass. During this time I had done enough research on occipital neuralgia I could have written a book. I made an appointment with her doc with out her. I presented to him what I thought would help her, an injection of Thiamine, Lidocaine, B-12 in each of her greater occipitals. He agreed to this, charged me for the appt (hard to believe) but she began a course of treatment with the injections and it soon began to work. The problem was during the whole time she was put on some heavy duty pain meds, I mean the big guns, (Fentyl patch, Oxycodone, Morphine, etc. At first it helped, but she became rapidly dependant on the pain medicine, even after her headache was cured. The dependency got so bad it was horrible to watch her go thru this every day. At times she would plead with me to help her end her life, she would go on and on for hours at a time. When I was in the hospital having my heart surgery she would come in to see me and spend the night, she was so out of it that I was more worried about her than me. I was then getting pain medicine for the surgery but gave the majority of them to her, and even asked the doc for more and gave them to her as well. Things were spiraling out of control. I was home only a few days when she told our daughter we would watch the grandkid, I was an emotional wreck, that was the last thing I wanted to do was watch a 2yr old when I could barely move. I sat in my room and cried most of the weekend. I told myself it was her dependency that was driving her. After I got my strength back I finally convinced her to seek treatment. She started treatment a year ago or so. It was rough, the doc held us hostage, we had to see him so he would write a script every month. The medicine cost $800 and the doc visit was $150, he was a licensed drug dealer. Fast forward to now. She has tappered off the the meds now and He11 has come to my house and set up shop. She only sleeps maybe 2-3 hrs a night, is constantly aggitated and angry, at me, at the world, at everything. The worst is the self harm, I had to hide all of the knives, the pills, anything sharp, and the car keys. Sleep is a thing of the past, I fear if I go into a deep sleep I will wake up she will be gone. I had to physically restrain her on the couch several nights to keep her from hurting herself, I'm rapidly coming to the end of my rope. She does ok during the day, but not well enough that I don't sit and worry all day while at work. She has been seeing a psychiatrist, we have another appt tomorrow. He has prescribed several different meds so far nothing has helped her sleep. He gave her Seroquel, I would have never thought things could have gotten any worse, but the drug paralyzed her body, she had uncontrollable muscle movements, and was in a constant panic attack for 6 hrs. She couldn't walk, I had to pick her up and put her on the toilet to p, which was 2-3 times an hour. Finally after 9 hrs she calmed down enough that a xanax put her to sleep and I went to work. As what always happens when you get sleep deprived I'm sick. Sinus, chest, body aches, exhausted and trying to keep up the fight to get her better.

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Old 04-16-2012, 19:21   #2
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My late husband was addicted to prescription painkillers and had to go into treatment for that...in patient treatment...and came out clean, but actively went to AA every day after that. He was a changed man. Life was good. Have you considered something on this order? He had slipped on an icy porch and broken several vertebrae and became addicted to oxycodone over years. As he was a physician, he could buy them for himself. It was a bad situation.

My heart goes out to you...and, so glad you took us into your confidence about how life is for you now, and I pray you find a solution soon. Please feel free to share with us as you need to as you walk this path.

Hugs,




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Old 04-16-2012, 19:26   #3
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Marty - I could just cry. And you still have your grandchildren most weekends. Is the vacation to OBX still on?




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Old 04-16-2012, 19:28   #4
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I wish I could afford inpatient treatment I would try to convince her of that. Problem is though none of our kids know of this problem, I am the lone soldier in her army to combat this thing. If they found out we suspect some of them would with hold the grandkids from her, this would be an unimaginable set back for her. She insists on keeping the grandkids although she is incapable of taking care of them all day, so I am constantly going back and forth from work to home.

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Old 04-16-2012, 19:35   #5
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Not sure. After discussing this vacation several months ago she recently found out that our 1yr old grands birthday is on one of the days we would be gone. She has promised our daughter that she would keep the child that weekend so she could go away on a trip. Hard to understand why her own mother (our daughter) can leave her child on her birthday, but my wife feels she has to keep her.

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Marty - I could just cry. And you still have your grandchildren most weekends. Is the vacation to OBX still on?

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Old 04-16-2012, 19:38   #6
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There's your hook to get her to accept treatment...the kids must know and the threat to not see them will get her to agree to go. I'd advise you to locate your AA or alcohol treatment program and they can advise you about treatment programs that perhaps are affordable. You are doing her no good protecting them or her about this. It's called 'enabling' and does no good for either of you. I went to open AA meetings at noon every day for support and that helped a lot. Most groups now have active members who are recovering addicts and their insight helped me a lot. I found Alanon not so helpful, but former addicts were very helpful.

Things won't get better unless you change. She's not the only one who needs to change. It was the best thing to happen to our family.

Again, (((((((((MCS)))))))))




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Old 04-16-2012, 19:43   #7
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By the way, his treatment was paid for by his healh policy...help is out there, so look for it...and, has it occurred to you that the safety of those children is compromised...what if something happened to you?

Sorry all...his situation hit my button. Got that Tee Shirt...and it's a hard one to deal with...




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Old 04-16-2012, 19:50   #8
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Oh Marty I so wish I had the words to help with the situation you are in, but I don't. I have had a lot of mental illness, depression and addiction in my family but to this day still don't know how to help. Last July an aunt of mine committed suicide and a year or so before that her daughter shot and killed herself. I would sure try the AA meetings or contact them for advise on in-house therapy and financial assistance. It is very hard for you to shoulder all of this weight alone we are here for your support I hope you also have someone local for more support. Prayers for you and your family

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Old 04-16-2012, 19:54   #9
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Marty, I don't know what to say. I think Pat gave you a good answer. You need to sit down with your children and discuss this. You have been handling this all by yourself and now you need their support to get through this. You were there for them when they were young and now it is their turn to pay you guys back. I agree she shouldn't be taking care of very young grandkids over night, in her condition. I know you don't have insurance and I am not sure what options for treatment are out there that are affordable. Maybe your kids could help you with the cost. I think you know this can't go on. Just know we are here for any type of support you need.

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Old 04-16-2012, 19:54   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Patdart View Post
By the way, his treatment was paid for by his healh policy...help is out there, so look for it...and, has it occurred to you that the safety of those children is compromised...what if something happened to you?

Sorry all...his situation hit my button. Got that Tee Shirt...and it's a hard one to deal with...

It certainly is a hard thing to understand. I will start looking into inpatient facilities. The only logical thing that I have learned from addiction is that it is totally illogical in nature. The addicted person has no logic, no sense of consequence, there is no tomorrow only today and right now. She went to take care of the grandkids some 2.5 hrs away, this was some time ago. I packed her pills in individual tiny bags that she was to take each day and they were supposed to last all week. I had to meet her half way there on the third night, she had taken all of them in 3 days instead of a week.

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