Any Man Can Be A Father But It Takes Someone Special To Be A Daddy

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Any Man Can Be A Father But It Takes Someone Special To Be A Daddy


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Old 05-29-2019, 14:50   #1
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Default Any Man Can Be A Father But It Takes Someone Special To Be A Daddy


What does it mean to YOU to be a father? What is the best thing about fatherhood?

This last December my daddy died. (Yes, I have always called him "daddy".) I am not ashamed to admit that it brought me to my knees. I was beyond devastated. It was one of the most difficult times I have ever faced. With Fathers Day approaching, (June 16th) I decided that instead of falling back into the abyss, I want to celebrate dads and remember the joy he brought into my life.

What are your best memories of your father while you were growing up?

I firmly believe the following quote, so biology isn't part of this. If you're raising kids (or raised kids) you're a father.
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"Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Daddy".

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Old 05-29-2019, 16:23   #2
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What are your best memories of your father while you were growing up?
I don't have that many. Not that my dad wasn't present; it's just that things seemed to run on a pretty even keel most of the time. Never saw him drunk; rarely saw him elated; seldom saw him really angry. Plus my dad didn't have any hobbies and wasn't exactly "Mr. Activity", so there are no memories of camping or hunting or woodworking or Little League.

But he taught me how to be a man; that part of that job is providing for family and taking care of friends; that real men don't have to be daredevils or cheats or loud and imposing; that being an adult means taking ownership for what you've done and who you are -- and trying to change that if it's not working for you or those around you. Other guys should have been that lucky.

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I firmly believe the following quote, so biology isn't part of this. If you're raising kids (or raised kids) you're a father.
I never had kids of my own. But, courtesy of my second marriage, I'm a grandpa now. And, despite the fact that my wife's ex and our son-in-law's dad are still in the picture, I am the grandpa; the one who's called just "Grandpa", not "Grandpa L" or "Grandpa Sam".

It has been a learning experience for me but one I've taken on gladly because I know it's important and it's good for kids to have multiple male models in their lives, regardless of their gender. And the payback is terrific!

I know it's not as intense an experience as fatherhood. But I think it ties back to your point that you don't have to be the genetic source to be "dad".

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Old 05-29-2019, 16:39   #3
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My kids are both in their 20s - one is in law enforcement and the other is in the military. Why they pursued those lines of work is probably a reflection of the value system that both their mom and I unknowingly instilled in them as they were growing up.
I just spent the past few days in another town - sitting in my dad's hospital room as he is recovering from a hip replacement. He's 85 and quite frail but as a young father (and a college football player) he spent a lot of time with me practicing ball, canoe trips, fishing, hunting and wilderness hikes. His love for activity and fitness is likely part of the reason he's still alive and this has also benefited me as I kind of followed in his footsteps in regard to athletics and physical fitness. I'm lucky to have such a great dad and I've tried to be the same for my kids. As they still talk to me, visit and are concerned about my well being I guess I did alright. :-)

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Old 05-30-2019, 01:43   #4
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I remember my dad taking me hunting and fishing, getting speeches about only shooting squirrels when we were squirrel hunting and then getting quizzed why I didn't shoot a turkey I'd seen.

He was usually coaching my teams when I started participating in little league baseball. I learned how to be a catcher when let me hang out on the field when the 17-18 year old boys team he also coached was practicing. I still remember how hard they threw the ball and the time the lacing broke on the pocket of my glove and the ball came threw my glove and hit me square in the forehead. He bought me a new glove the next day. I don't remember what brand it was, but it was the best glove I ever had.

He taught me that right was right and wrong was wrong, work hard, tell the truth, and that anything that was worth doing was worth doing well. Probably why I am so anal about certain things.

He passed away in 2004, elk hunting in Colorado, something that he truly loved. I hope that I can leave this life in a similar fashion.

I am only now learning to understand and appreciate all of the things that I learned from him. I can only wish that I have done as well as he did in teaching life's values to my kids as he did with his.

I don't remember calling him anything else but daddy.

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Old 05-30-2019, 05:39   #5
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You got that right.

I was debating posting about my father because I didn't want to rain on others' parade. But the thread title's truth reminded me - in a good way. The loss of both of my parents was the easiest thing I've ever had to deal with. I guess that's one "advantage" of having crap parents. Not having to attend their funerals is another - none of their four kids attended.

My mom was an angry, abusive raging witch & my dad didn't care how she abused her kids; as long as he had a woman. A few times when he tried to stop her, she threatened to leave him & that was enough for him to back off & let it continue. Interesting priority.

I realized how bad that was when I got older & adopted a dog & thought: "Wow....if anyone intentionally hurt my dog, I'd take them apart on the spot, & my "father" wouldn't protect his own kids."

I'm really glad you guys have parents you can appreciate; you're quite fortunate to have those good memories.

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Old 05-30-2019, 12:56   #6
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I'm really glad you guys have parents you can appreciate; you're quite fortunate to have those good memories.
We are, indeed. Parenthood -- even grandparenthood, for me -- has always scared me a little because it's a huge responsibility and it's so important to do it right. It goes way beyond the preservation-of-the-species imperative.

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Old 05-30-2019, 18:15   #7
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I wrote this back in early 2008, so the age at the end is incorrect. The minister read this at my daddy's funeral.

When I was born, my father told his friends I was the ugliest baby he had ever seen, and that I sounded just like a cricket. I think that must have been the moment that I became my Daddy’s little princess.

As a little girl, I remember seeing my daddy sitting at the kitchen counter, drinking his first cup of coffee every morning. Because of a broken finger that never quite healed right, every time he took a drink, his pinky finger would stick up a little bit.

When I grew up, I wanted to be just like him.

By the time I was 10 years old, I was drinking coffee during the summers at my uncle Charley’s dairy farm. Back then I needed a ton of sugar and cream to drink the stuff. Nowadays I use just a little cream, and I sweeten it with the fake stuff, but to this very day, my pinky sticks up a little, every time I take a drink of my coffee.

We have always shared a love of various farm animals. Well, except for that mean old goose that used to chase me around the yard hissing at me, and nipping me in the butt when I tried to run away.

One day I saw the goose trying to do the same thing to my daddy. He turned around and stomped his foot. Then he got right in the goose’s face and said “git on out a here now”.

I thought he was teaching me how to stand up to an old goose, but what he taught me was not to run from things, to stand up and face my fears head on. It took me many years to finally learn that lesson.

I cannot begin to count how many runts I thought I could save over the years. I had a weakness for piglets that were too small to survive with the litter. He would help me sneak them past my mama, and into the house. I would set my alarm to feed them every couple of hours.

He did this, even knowing that I could not save them all, knowing that some would die, and he would have to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, but he was teaching me not to be afraid to take a risk, to have the courage to try even when all the odds were against me.

I started working at the restaurant with my daddy, in my early teens. There were times that I thought he was tougher on me than the employees. He was tough, and he expected nothing less than the best. It was many years before I realized he was teaching me good work ethics and that anything worth doing, was worth doing well.

Growing up, one of my biggest fears in life was disappointing my daddy because I could not bear to see that look in his eyes.

When I was a senior in high school some friends and I snuck out of the house to go to a party. Before that night, I had never drunk a single drop of alcohol but apparently I was making up for lost time because before I knew it, it was noon the next day.

It was time to face my daddy.

Seeing that look in his eyes was way worse than the butt whooping I got. To top it off, he still made me go to work, sicker than a dog, and praying to the porcelain god. That was one lesson in life that I learned very quickly, because I remembered it every single day of the 30 days I spent grounded afterwards.

During that same year, it was my daddy who took me for a long walk up the hill to quietly tell me that my very best friend, Ronnie Winston, had died at the age of 17. Looking up into my daddy’s eyes, I could see his heart breaking for me as he tried to explain that there are some things in life that not even daddy can fix.

It was then that I first began to truly understand the serenity prayer, to accept the things I cannot change, to have the courage to change the things I can, and above all, to have wisdom to know the difference.

It has been 46 years since I became my daddy’s little princess, and you know what? I grew up to be just like him.

I love you daddy.

- Cricket

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Old 06-21-2019, 03:29   #8
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I have lost my dad at the age of five, part of me has always wished that he is still here so that I can have someone to lean on when I feel like the weigh of the world is difficult to carry.

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