depression/suicide/denial

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depression/suicide/denial


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Old 05-16-2010, 15:58   #1
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Unhappy depression/suicide/denial

hey
i haven't really posted much since i joined because i didnt wanna duplicate in all my questions, but have been learning a lot thru reading everything that is already here and it has been very helpful, so i'd like to say thank you.
ive been having a bad time since my diagnosis of type 1 on april 4. to the point where i now just feel depressed and suicidal all of the time.. i can't seem to come to terms with this diagnosis, i am greiving for my old self, i cannot accept this is with me forever, i am trying my best to manage everything but it is too much and i cant get anything right. everyday, i hope i dont wake up.
i have fianancial worries and a lack of support from family and friends. i have zero self esteem, no motivation, right now.. no reason to live.. i feel like letting this illness just do what it wants to do and slowly kill me.

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Old 05-16-2010, 16:13   #2
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hey
i haven't really posted much since i joined because i didnt wanna duplicate in all my questions, but have been learning a lot thru reading everything that is already here and it has been very helpful, so i'd like to say thank you.
ive been having a bad time since my diagnosis of type 1 on april 4. to the point where i now just feel depressed and suicidal all of the time.. i can't seem to come to terms with this diagnosis, i am greiving for my old self, i cannot accept this is with me forever, i am trying my best to manage everything but it is too much and i cant get anything right. everyday, i hope i dont wake up.
i have fianancial worries and a lack of support from family and friends. i have zero self esteem, no motivation, right now.. no reason to live.. i feel like letting this illness just do what it wants to do and slowly kill me.
I do hurt for you Its understandable to feel depressed over something as overwhelming as being diagnosed with a life long chronic disease. Its even normal to grieve. You grieve over losing a part of your life that is gone. We have all been there. I really hope that you hear me when I say...it isnt the end of the world. It really isnt. You can still have a relatively normal, happy life and do all the things you ever wanted to do. You will just do them with diabetes. It takes time to learn how to manage your diabetes. With some patience, and some learning, you *can* do this. There are many people right here on this forum that live *well* with their disease every day. You are very newly diagnosed and I know it must seem incredibly overwhelming. I promise though, it gets better. Please ask anything you need to. Dont worry if it has been asked before. We are all here to help each other and lean on each other when we need it. Even if you are just having a really bad day and need to rant and rave and just be mad, or sad.

You *can* do this. Really. Sometimes I even go online and read stories about other people that are managing their diabetes and how well they are doing. It inspires me to know that this isnt the end of the world and life truly does go on.

We are here for you *hugs* Let us know how you are doing please.

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Cheers,
Pam
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Type 2 since age 16
A1c in March 2010 12.6%
current A1c 6.3%

Currently taking:

Metformin 1000mg twice a day
Neurontin 300mg three times a day
Cymbalta 30mg a day
Symlin injections 60 mcg before meals
pumping with the minimed Revel and novalog
Milk Thistle twice a day
Fish oil twice a day
Nexium once a day
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Old 05-16-2010, 16:21   #3
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your reply and supportive words mean the world to me

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Old 05-16-2010, 16:24   #4
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your reply and supportive words mean the world to me
I really do hope you start to feel better soon. Please anytime you need to talk feel free. I dont even object to a private message if you want. But really, there are so many very supportive people here and we really have all been where you are at some point. You can control your diabetes..it doesnt have to control you

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Cheers,
Pam
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Type 2 since age 16
A1c in March 2010 12.6%
current A1c 6.3%

Currently taking:

Metformin 1000mg twice a day
Neurontin 300mg three times a day
Cymbalta 30mg a day
Symlin injections 60 mcg before meals
pumping with the minimed Revel and novalog
Milk Thistle twice a day
Fish oil twice a day
Nexium once a day
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Old 05-16-2010, 18:50   #5
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Hi Carey. It's completely natural to grieve for your former unfettered pre-diabetes life. Everyone here has experienced sadness, fear, being overwhelmed. Yes, your life now involves testing blood sugar and trying to replace what your pancreas did so gracefully with a thought/action process that's, at best, a little klunky. But over time, if you allow yourself, it will make more sense and will just be your new normal.

I don't think suicidal thoughts are part of the regular progression of learning to deal with diabetes. Do you live near a university in California? You may be able to find a low-or-no cost counseling program at a medical school. You need to speak with someone about your situation. Have a friend help you find some professional assistance right away if you are too depressed to do the search yourself. Diabetes is quite treatable, but your head needs to be clear to embark on the path.

Like Pam, I'd be happy to help with any diabetes questions or just send virtual hugs when you need them. I can sense your complete lack of energy and sense of defeat. But please, try to get some counseling - it will help.

Best,
Jen

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Old 05-16-2010, 19:16   #6
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i am just so tired of being this person already and its only been a few weeks. equallly however i just hate being so absorbed in my depression of this cus i realize i need to 'snap outta it' and that so many other people have it so much worse. ( not just diabetes but other conditions, of course )

i live near miramar college in san diego. i have a diabetes counsellor but he seems to have so many clients i am one of many people he sees. it kinda makes it feel so dilluted and like a job he just has to do and doesnt really care. but again, this just could be my negative mental outlook now due to how i feel.

i am doing everything i can.. i think... in learning my management but i just seem to fall at every hurdle.. i am apathetic... and tired and my moods are still affecting my relationships with people.
i am applying for a lot of jobs right now and being rejected and my self esteem is just taking blow after blow so much that i feel i should be on some kinda scrap heap right now because my body wont function right.

sorry, again, for the complaining and thanks again both for your comfort and support and for understanding how i feel. right now , thats worth more than anything.


Last edited by Carey; 05-16-2010 at 19:19.
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Old 05-16-2010, 19:18   #7
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ps, i'm 22 now and as a teenager 17-19 mainly, i suffered from bad clinical depression and have been medicated with lexapro. i wonder if this whole thing has made me have a 'setback' as i am pre-disposed to depression and or suicidal thoughts from my depression in the past.

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Old 05-16-2010, 19:24   #8
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You've had a really rude introduction to diabetes, Carey, and it's affecting your livelihood too, which casts a dark pall over everything else. Please seek counseling quickly because, as already mentioned, depression this deep isn't part of the usual progression. You are a valued, very talented & hardworking individual and this disorder should not be allowed to define your existence.

It's been a long long time since I lived in California, but I would bet there is assistance available to help you obtain the meds & supplies you need. Please ask your doctor or pharmacist about it - these are the ones who helped me the most when I was uninsured.

I hope by now your coach has arranged for you a basal insulin. You can't manage type 1 without it. If this is not forthcoming, please seek out other medical caregivers, because unless they put you on a pump right away, you cannot continue with only fast-acting insulin.

I'm so sorry your family/friends are not supporting you when you need them the most. I'm sending all my best vibes for you to get the guidance you need and get hold of the reins here, so you can regain your strength and get on with living your life! It can be done and you can do it. We'll help you all we can, and you can even repeat your questions again & again until hell freezes over - we won't mind a bit!




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Old 05-16-2010, 21:05   #9
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thank youuuu

i have experienced on forums b4 that if you ask the same thing thats already been asked b4, people get cranky.. so glad thats not an issue here

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Old 05-16-2010, 21:16   #10
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Originally Posted by Carey View Post
thank youuuu

i have experienced on forums b4 that if you ask the same thing thats already been asked b4, people get cranky.. so glad thats not an issue here
Nah, it isnt an issue. Sometimes people need to hear something explained a few times in different ways for it to really sink in. I didnt realize you have had a history of being treated for depression. Some depression isnt merely an issue of 'snapping out it'. Often times it is caused by a real chemical imbalance and needs medical treatment. Especially right now with your added diagnosis, you have to realize that things are bit haywire in your body right now and quite probably it is exacerbating your underlying depressive problem. While we are more than happy to help as much as we can, I do urge you to seek assistance for your depression also. Is it possible to see whoever it was that was treating you for it? Also just be aware that there are some medications used for for treating depression that do have a side effect of elevating blood glucose. This may be something that will be have to be taken into account by your medical team also. Hang in there....it will get better!

__________________
Cheers,
Pam
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Type 2 since age 16
A1c in March 2010 12.6%
current A1c 6.3%

Currently taking:

Metformin 1000mg twice a day
Neurontin 300mg three times a day
Cymbalta 30mg a day
Symlin injections 60 mcg before meals
pumping with the minimed Revel and novalog
Milk Thistle twice a day
Fish oil twice a day
Nexium once a day
onaughmae is offline  
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