I need help, please. I don't know how to cope.

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I need help, please. I don't know how to cope.


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Old 08-10-2014, 06:53   #1
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Unhappy I need help, please. I don't know how to cope.

I apologize in advance. This will probably be a long post. If anyone is willing to read through and give me some kind of encouragement or advice, I would really appreciate it.

I was diagnosed in October 2010 with T1 with an A1C of 17.1. I had just married four months earlier (age 20), and was living in a new state. I was lucky that the hospital where I was diagnosed had an excellent staff that gave me all the education and support I needed those first few months. Within 3 months, I brought my A1C down to 8.3, and brought it down to 7.1 3 months after that. Some of that was the honeymoon phase, I think, because it was easy at times. But most of it was my own determination, the education I received and sought on my own, and my perfectionism.

My husband and I moved back to my home state, and the doctor I started seeing here was awful. She made me feel guilty about my A1C being "so low" and accused me of taking too much insulin to achieve lows and make my results look lower. She didn't believe I was testing and taking the insulin correctly. Completely discouraging, so I just found a new doctor. I was lucky enough to find a better doctor that is supportive of how I approach my own care.

Shortly after moving back home, I started watching my at the time 7-year-old nephew who is severely mentally handicapped. His mother in prison and father unwilling. My husband and I agreed to take him in. He has improved a lot since living with me, and so his daily care is not the strain it used to be. He's a wonderful child, and I'm in the process of adopting with the blessing of both birth parents.

At this time, I was also in the process of finishing up my undergrad BS in psychology. Since I was doing well with my blood sugar, and I had a decent job to help pay for it, I continued with school. I graduated last year with a 4.0. I know it sounds braggy, but I just want to illustrate the strain I have been putting myself under since my diagnosis.

Also around this time, my poorly thought out decision to marry a psychopath was beginning to have its own consequences. He was abusive, physically so, so I left. I didn't want to wake up 10 years from now with that man still controlling me and my kid. He was happy to have me and my nephew leave. While dealing with the issues in that marriage, the full-time job, the full-time course work for school, and my nephew's care, I let my own T1D care fall to the side. My A1C slowly started rising. When I divorced my ex-husband last year, I basically started living in denial. I stopped taking my Humalog and was only taking my Lantus. I wasn't checking in the morning, so I had no idea if it was even enough. When I first got diagnosed, I was already a very healthy eater and very active. Now, I'm so used to eating junk food and fast food, that it's so difficult to pull myself out of it. I try starting to eat healthy again, and I feel like it's taking up all of my mental energy to plan meals, count carbs, etc. It did not seem this hard at first.

The final straw came with my last doc visit. The visit prior, I had been determined to turn it all around and at least make some improvement. I started testing 5+ times a day, taking insulin to correct if it was even a little high, and trying to eat better (that part I wasn't doing so well with). My A1C had been at 8.9. When I went back this last visit, after my three months of "doing better," my A1C was 10.8. I was devastated. I know the problem was that I was still failing to test before bed and correct as needed. I know logically that I just need to keep working at it, but it was a hard blow for me.

I struggled with depression when I was a younger teenager, though I never had to use medication. I was never suicidal. The past few months, I have trouble functioning like I want to. I still go to work and take care of my kid, but I want to just stay in bed. And I'm back to pretending I just don't have diabetes again. It stresses me out so much, because I know I have to be doing damage, and I just can't bring myself to do anything about it. I haven't taken my Humalog in weeks. I ran out of Lantus last night and didn't even bother to go to pick up my refill today. So I won't even be taking my Lantus dose tonight. I am self-destructing fast, and the only thing I can bring myself to do about it is make an online forum post.

I don't really know what I'm asking for, but I am so discouraged and feeling so depressed. I don't know how to keep coping.

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Old 08-10-2014, 07:24   #2
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You have been through the wringer, Supernova! I'm very glad you found us.

First, here is what you may be asking to hear: Please start taking your insulin again!

Now ...

I'd guess that stress and depression are also contributing to your high numbers. High numbers can cause exhaustion, and worsen depression. You may need to take a higher dose of Lantus (try adding 1u per day until you get good results), as well as your normal doses of Humalog.

Others should be coming along soon. Weekends can be a bit slow.

Please do not worry about length of posts -- just come here as you need, when you need. We care.
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Old 08-10-2014, 07:26   #3
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I know it is hard, but you can get back on track. Just take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Your A1C probably was up to 10.8 due to all the stress you have been going through. You do need to watch your diet and your meds, but your mental and emotional states need some care and attention as well. Maybe you can find a support group or someone to talk to. Or try relaxation techniques. Talk to your doctor. As for the meal-planning, it WAS easier before because you were used to eating better foods. I had to get rid of the junk food in the house and start over. After a while, it becomes normal to grab a handful of carrots instead of potato chips. I found a new book that might help you. I got it for my sister who was dealing with her own issues. It is "Dealing with Diabetes Burnout" by Ginger Vieira. She has a somewhat humorous view of burnout...and they say laughter is the best medicine. Give yourself credit for recognizing that you are struggling and need help. You can get back on track--for yourself AND for your boy. Good luck!

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Old 08-10-2014, 07:54   #4
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Welcome! You have certainly have done many and much more difficult things in your life than managing your own health. Now it's time to put you first!

A local business man that owned 53 car dealerships, several movie theaters, a world class $85 million auto race park, several pro race teams, had it all but was too busy and unconcerned to take his own health issues seriously. After having both legs amputated due to type 2 diabetes, the disease finally killed him at 65 yo. He was sick and over weight and unhealthy for years. He was known as a junk food addict.

Read the lank and think about it.
Larry H. Miller - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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Old 08-10-2014, 08:05   #5
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I think if you have no insulin at all that you should go to doc or even emergency room before you end up in ketoacidosis!

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Old 08-10-2014, 11:17   #6
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Hi Supernova, welcome to the forum. This is a good place to park it and rest a while. Lots of knowledge to be gained and lots of understanding to help cope with the stresses of life. Several here have "been there - done that" experience with many things that life throws at us and do know what you have been thru and can relate to how you feel and offer great advice to help get back on track. Just coming here and posting is a very positive first step at getting back on the wagon to good health. We know that we can live long healthy lives if we maintain control. It sounds like you have so much to look forward to, so relax, camp out with us, and again welcome.

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Old 08-10-2014, 14:23   #7
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Welcome, Supernova

I'll "ditto" what's been said. Just wanted to let you you've landed in a place of great caring and encouragement.

Do come often, go ahead and rant if you need to (we understand like no-one else does). Let us know how you're doing and what you're doing in regard to your "new and improved" diabetes management.

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Old 08-11-2014, 18:47   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shalynne View Post
You have been through the wringer, Supernova! I'm very glad you found us. First, here is what you may be asking to hear: Please start taking your insulin again! Now ... I'd guess that stress and depression are also contributing to your high numbers. High numbers can cause exhaustion, and worsen depression. You may need to take a higher dose of Lantus (try adding 1u per day until you get good results), as well as your normal doses of Humalog. Others should be coming along soon. Weekends can be a bit slow. Please do not worry about length of posts -- just come here as you need, when you need. We care.
Thank you for your response. I was almost afraid to log back in to see the replies here. I'm so used to judgmental attitudes about the diabetes that I expected it here too. I'm glad to see I was wrong!

My current Lantus dose is 40 units at night. I have never had good morning readings if I take it in the AM. Sometimes with this dosage I have a perfect fasting reading, and other times it's into the 300's. An educator I saw recently (suggested by dr, though educator was not able to tell me anything new) told me that my current 40 units is too high because Lantus should only be half of daily insulin. If I take the Lantus down, my readings are high 100% of the time. I take less Humalog (when medicating correctly) because I eat lower carb foods (again, when I'm doing it correctly). I don't see what my Humalog dosage (based on my food) has to do with how much Lantus is needed to keep my blood sugar down regardless of food. Aside from the obvious that a healthier lower carb diet seems to reduce my need for Lantus by a few units.

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Old 08-11-2014, 18:49   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inazpeanut View Post
I know it is hard, but you can get back on track. Just take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Your A1C probably was up to 10.8 due to all the stress you have been going through. You do need to watch your diet and your meds, but your mental and emotional states need some care and attention as well. Maybe you can find a support group or someone to talk to. Or try relaxation techniques. Talk to your doctor. As for the meal-planning, it WAS easier before because you were used to eating better foods. I had to get rid of the junk food in the house and start over. After a while, it becomes normal to grab a handful of carrots instead of potato chips. I found a new book that might help you. I got it for my sister who was dealing with her own issues. It is "Dealing with Diabetes Burnout" by Ginger Vieira. She has a somewhat humorous view of burnout...and they say laughter is the best medicine. Give yourself credit for recognizing that you are struggling and need help. You can get back on track--for yourself AND for your boy. Good luck!
Thank you for your response! I will definitely check out that book.

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Old 08-11-2014, 18:54   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bignick View Post
Welcome! You have certainly have done many and much more difficult things in your life than managing your own health. Now it's time to put you first! A local business man that owned 53 car dealerships, several movie theaters, a world class $85 million auto race park, several pro race teams, had it all but was too busy and unconcerned to take his own health issues seriously. After having both legs amputated due to type 2 diabetes, the disease finally killed him at 65 yo. He was sick and over weight and unhealthy for years. He was known as a junk food addict. Read the lank and think about it.
Thank you for the response and the story. It's a good reminder of how important my long term health is.

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