Dealing with relatives and my new way of eating

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Dealing with relatives and my new way of eating


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Old 11-21-2011, 04:05   #1
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Default Dealing with relatives and my new way of eating

Ok, I was diagnosed just about a month ago and have been slowly adjusting to eating low carb. I'm not always perfect at it, but I keep trying to improve.

Then this weekend we went to visit my sister-in-law for our nephew's bday party. Ugh. They passed me some cake and ice cream (they know about my diagnosis.. and in fact my sister-in-law has PCOS and takes metformin). I didn't know what to do and didn't want to be rude so I ate it (and mentally freaking out)

Then we went over to in-laws' house next and she served us brisket sandwiches with potato salad and chips. Again I didn't know what to do so I ate it. Then mother-in-law passed around M&M's!!! By this time I was in high sugar land and craving carbs like mad and ate several. Ugh.

Previously when we told them about my diagnosis (a month ago) my mother-in-law said, "just have the doctor give you metformin so you can eat real food"

Today I'm paying penance by exercising and being strict on the carbs and my sugars are not behaving so well (as I suspected might be the case).

Then my mom called today and asked what I was going to bring to Thanksgiving and I said I didn't know yet as I wasn't sure what I could eat and/or what others might be willing to eat. and she said, "can't you just take a break from your diet?"

What am I supposed to do? How do you handle relatives that are not being supportive and how do you keep from appearing to be rude by rejecting the foods??? I'm a people pleaser by nature and I really do not know what to do? Do I just eat the stuff and pay penance the next day, be rude and hurt everyone's feeilngs, or other (which I have not thought of)?

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Old 11-21-2011, 04:23   #2
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This is a problem that many of us face, so you aren't alone. Sometimes what works in one situation doesn't work at all for the next time. When offered something that I would normally prefer not to eat - I have said "that looks delicious, but I think I will pass this time". Or you can take a very small taste if you feel that you must.

The holidays, for me at least, are the most difficult time of the year. So many sweet foods and so many carb laden foods. Since you are newly diagnosed, try not to be too hard on yourself. It isn't the end of the world if you make a different choice for food when you're at someone else's home. Just keep on trying to make good choices at the next meal or the next day.

If you "fall off the horse", so to speak, you have to get back on again and keep trying. Good luck.

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Old 11-21-2011, 04:35   #3
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Yeah it is hard.

Weird thing is my paternal grandma, paternal aunts and my father are all type II ( possibly where I inherited the type II from). And you couldn't hardly tell by what they eat. My dad thinks 130 in the morning is pretty good and that's the only time he even checks his sugar.

My parents and in-laws are all on me like crazy to give them a grandbaby and yet in order to do that i need to get my sugars controlled (which they are definitely not helping). Just feels annoying. Especially since I'm due for a progress report in January (where he will decide if I need to take metformin or not based off of my progress)

I feel pretty stressed out to be honest. Even my hubby who is type 1 diabetic doesn't understand. He just takes insulin when he wants to eat carbs. He said he doesn't want to eat what I eat.

Kinda of having a pity party I guess.

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Old 11-21-2011, 04:40   #4
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um ok a few points...

you say you are a people pleaser...YOU are the top of that list of people to please...without you...you can't please anyone

YOUR health is more important than anyone's feelings

THEY are not qualifies to diagnose you nor tell you how to eat

YOU are not on a diet...you are eating to SAVE your life

ok a quiz I've used b4...if you were allergic to nuts would you eat them JUST to please your family? if you answered YES....get ye to a therapist now! lol

There is no choices to make here...either you change your perspective and see yourself as the most important person in your life OR you please them and suffer ALL the consequences

Every time your blood sugar passes 140 you are damaging your organs...perhaps ask them what they'd like to write on your tombstone...

"she was always so obliging...to the end" lol sorry I'm not being mean I'm being real...

If you please them you are saying (and reinforcing) constantly that you are NOT worth saving

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Old 11-21-2011, 05:21   #5
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The way I see it, people who expect you to concede to their wishes by just taking a pill, or a break from your diet, are being rude & hurtful to you first. Here you are, agonizing over it, while they go merrily on their ways.

I'm sorry to hear your husband has rescinded his original willingness to change up the menus. I had hoped you two could go into this holiday season as a team, with him having your back. He'd surely benefit from your way-of-eating by using less insulin. <shrug>

That being said, I suppose if these folks are hell on wheels, you could prob'ly take one bite of their offerings, and then go on to eat the things you CAN eat (the brisket but not the bun, etc. etc. - I hope it wasn't drowned in bbq sauce!). And if you're contributing to the meals, always take something you can eat plenty of. BUT! - if there's any talking to them, they need to be made to understand that this is your LIFE, not just some damn diet you can take a break from. And if they're emotionally invested in you eating the meals they prepare, then they need to prepare a few things you can safely eat. You are working REALLY HARD on this, and it just isn't fair for your relatives to sabotage your success every time you turn around. Besides which, you want to give them grandchildren remember, so they better decide what they want most - you eating their cakes/pies, or you giving them grandbabies!

Even if you are by nature a people pleaser, try to make this the exception and let people know it. You have already let them know about your diagnosis, and now they need to be told that you will no longer negotiate about your management of your diabetes, and that means your way of eating (If they jump to the defensive & come back about your husband being diabetic & never acting like this, then you'll have to explain that type 1 and type 2 are very different disorders). This is your first best chance to get things straight - I think you can do it with being rude - whether they get hurt & indignant about it is not within your control. But if they once get the notion that you'll just sit down & eat whatever they put in front of you, you'll never get another opportunity as good as this.

So if they're on your back about grandchildren, tell them to lighten up about your way-of-eating, for gosh sake!

(can you tell you tripped my trigger, sweetie? I just wanna wring their necks for making you feel like this!)

And sorry Deena - you said this so much more succinctly - didn't mean to repeat everything you said! Typing at the same time as you! =)





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Last edited by Shanny; 11-21-2011 at 05:26.
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Old 11-21-2011, 05:21   #6
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sorry if that came across harsh but you're important

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Old 11-21-2011, 05:34   #7
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Deena's right - you have to please yourself first. And I understand it's hard to change old habits, tweak parts of our personality and orientation, but there couldn't be a better place to start than with diabetes.

I think also you might be putting too much importance on how much your eating cake is actually pleasing them. All you have to get past is that moment when they offer, you decline and they say 'why not?' or 'just this once' and you repeat, 'I don't care for any, but thank you' and change the subject. Use diversion, don't let them focus on you and the cake.

With close family members you are going to go through this with often, I would meet with each of them individually, and tell them that you need their support and help. You have decided to manage your diabetes a different way than they do, and when you are in group situations, you would appreciate if they would accept 'no' and not press you, and help back you up if someone else does. You don't need to convert them, only to get them to respect that when you say no you mean it.

Not easy, I know. Pushers. Bah.

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Old 11-21-2011, 05:44   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annsrum View Post
Ok, I was diagnosed just about a month ago and have been slowly adjusting to eating low carb. I'm not always perfect at it, but I keep trying to improve.

Then this weekend we went to visit my sister-in-law for our nephew's bday party. Ugh. They passed me some cake and ice cream (they know about my diagnosis.. and in fact my sister-in-law has PCOS and takes metformin). I didn't know what to do and didn't want to be rude so I ate it (and mentally freaking out)

Then we went over to in-laws' house next and she served us brisket sandwiches with potato salad and chips. Again I didn't know what to do so I ate it. Then mother-in-law passed around M&M's!!! By this time I was in high sugar land and craving carbs like mad and ate several. Ugh.

Previously when we told them about my diagnosis (a month ago) my mother-in-law said, "just have the doctor give you metformin so you can eat real food"

Today I'm paying penance by exercising and being strict on the carbs and my sugars are not behaving so well (as I suspected might be the case).

Then my mom called today and asked what I was going to bring to Thanksgiving and I said I didn't know yet as I wasn't sure what I could eat and/or what others might be willing to eat. and she said, "can't you just take a break from your diet?"

What am I supposed to do? How do you handle relatives that are not being supportive and how do you keep from appearing to be rude by rejecting the foods??? I'm a people pleaser by nature and I really do not know what to do? Do I just eat the stuff and pay penance the next day, be rude and hurt everyone's feeilngs, or other (which I have not thought of)?
Yeah I can relate with this. So often i meet relatives who say "so and so has diabetes for so many years and eats everything, then why cant you ?"

But I've decided I don't give a rat's *** of what they think if they want to feel bad, that's upto them. But I don't pick a fight, I just silently ignore because there's not point fighting and arguing with someone who is ignorant.

But I'd like to add my parents in law and parents and wife have so far been very supportive. Only a few other relatives know..

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Old 11-21-2011, 05:53   #9
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But I've decided I don't give a rat's *** of what they think if they want to feel bad, that's upto them. But I don't pick a fight, I just silently ignore because there's not point fighting and arguing with someone who is ignorant.
As someone rightly said (can;t recall who)

Eating healthy wouldn’t be so hard if you didn’t have food offered to you constantly. However, if you’re going to be successful making healthy food choices day after day, you must set boundaries, not only for yourself, but for people who’ll try to feed you.

:-)

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Old 11-21-2011, 08:55   #10
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If they offered you a glass of water with a few drops of antifreeze in it, not enough to immediately kill you but possibly enough to cause kidney damage and other chronic health issues, would you drink it?

This isn't any different.

You don't have to argue, to shout, to offer an elegant argument that'll convince them, or to gain understanding. All you have to do is say 'no'.

Since they're so unsympathetic to your maintaining your health do you think they'll be supportive of you if you lose it?

If you give control of your life over to someone else you're doomed. Take the wheel, take the reins. Either that or get on insulin pronto. This isn't a matter of who thinks what about what, it's a matter of keeping the number on the meter down at any cost.

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