A Day I Thought Would Never Arrive

Today I lost my father after a long and full life. What I remember the most were his quiet yet caring way he had about himself. From the time I was 2 yrs old to 11 yrs old, he would kiss me on my forehead just as I fell asleep at night to the sound of silence. Every Saturday night before my parents would go out to dinner and a movie or to visit friends, he would be doing his best rendition of Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennett to the falling spray of the shower. When I was 7 yrs old and called upon to step into the batter’s box in my baseball little league, he would walk behind me and move my stance and bat to be level and guide my swing with my batting helmet over my eyes.

He was a man who was shy but made sure he was there for others who had a loss in their lives. He would love to travel but not by air. Instead he would get behind the wheel of his car and go for 10 hours a day for weeks across the country and enjoyed the timeless motion of the train. One of his traits was that he was humble with little interest in an ego. About the only time he would get carried way for the moment was in Las Vegas during the 1960’s and 1970’s when he would take his rightful place around the crap table among a large crowd as he would worship the dice he held in his hands just before rolling the tumbling dice across the table small hills of chips.

For the first 73 years of his life he hardly had a reason to see a Dr, partly because he was relatively healthy and secondly, he has ‘doctor phobia’. Two days after Christmas day in 2004, he had a major stroke and was rushed to ER and stayed for a few weeks before being released to go home. He had to learn to try and walk and talk again and had regained about 25% of his motor skills and speech but needed a walker for next 10 years and then a wheel chair for the last 4 years of his life. Last year he developed Parkinson’s disease and had numerous seizures where he required assistance in a nursing home. When I saw him 2 weeks ago, he knew who I was but then the next day forgot I was there. As difficult as the loss for one to lose the movement in their legs and the absence of speaking with words, its even harder to reach out for a memory and have it vanished in space like a spark of light.

My first thought of him will always be his good and kind heart. His favorite song was by Tony Bennett, I Left My Heart in San Francisco. He can now start his Climb Halfway to the Stars and sit in the first row at a concert to the performance of Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr.