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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
OK guys, as I've been losing weight, my wife's been becoming more depressed.

See, she and I were both around 100lbs overweight... But I've lost close to 80lbs now.

The difference is I've eaten LCHF and she keeps eating her same old diet.

I'm trying to encourage her, as I know she'll be healthier and happier in the long run...

any suggestions on how to 1) encourage her to try, and; 2) have her stick with the diet?
 

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She sees your success, and maybe it just needs to 'click' for her, and her click time isn't here yet. Has she expressed an interest in LC/HF? I'd imagine there's plenty of discussion about it around the house.

Does she do the cooking, and you just eat what you can and supplement with other foods you make, or ...?

Regardless of who cooks, what about printing out some of our great recipes and suggest cooking together? Joint meal prep for things she wouldn't think to eat. Maybe she doesn't realize how delicious a lot of low-carb eating can be. Think of her favorite foods and sneak in here and ask us for work-arounds (if you're not the cook!) and then surprise her with dinner. Baby steps.
 

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i dont think YOU can do anything. its her that needs to do it. as much as you'd like to help, the willpower needed for this is intense and unfortunately some people cannot sustain it.
 

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I would recommend doing things that help increase her self-esteem and reduce her stress levels. FYI, depression is caused by having more stress than our ability to cope. I like what Dr. Phil has suggested on his TV show when he says that you should wake up each day and say to yourself, "What can I do today to make her life better?" Focus on NON-food things. Focus on doing anything and everything that will help reduce the stress in her life. Focus what may be causing her to feel extra stress and see what you can do to change/improve those things.

When the time is right for HER, she will change her diet if she wants to and/or sees a need to.

Does she have Diabetes?
 
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I have several diabetic relatives who know they need to lose weight and cut carbs, but they won't because they don't want to give anything up. And since it is almost impossible to convince a diabetic, you may have quite a challenge on your hands trying to convince your wife.

I think there are very good substitutes for most higher carb foods, but not others, like deep fried french fries or pasta. Nothing out there tastes exactly like those things. If she knows she can eat low carb, but still have the real things that she misses when she wants them, it might be easier to convince her to eat more low carb foods. Like moon said, baby steps.

Ever since the big D, I have been on a quest to find a good tasting substitute for every food we use to eat that is a diabetic no-no. I experiment with a lot of dessert recipes, trying to keep my diabetic husband on the strait and narrow, and it is working. He use to eat Little Debbie's by the box. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. (Or in this case, artificial sweetener.)
 

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Weight loss is a really personal thing. My diabetic husband was overweight for years. It took me almost 5 years to get him to switch to my LC diet. The way I did it was to stop buying any carby food anymore. So I cleared out the pantry of dry cereals, rice, pasta, crackers, etc. I assume she does the cooking. Since I do the cooking it is easier for me to make low carb meals. If I were you I would sit down and plan your meals and shopping together. I know you exercise a lot. Maybe you could find an exercise that includes her. I know when you start to exercise you do feel so much better about yourself and will want to find a diet that gives you more energy. I know for me the hardest part of going LC was giving up all those whole grains, and they were my problem. I assumed they were healthy so I overate them. Get the book WHEAT BELLY, by Dr William Davis for her to read.
 

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Who buys the grocerys in your house, and who does the cooking. Thats me on both accounts, so wife has little choice unless she wants to go to the store and fix it herself. Whats funny though she's not minding being in those size 4 skinny jeans a bit and to be honest either am I.


OK guys, as I've been losing weight, my wife's been becoming more depressed.

See, she and I were both around 100lbs overweight... But I've lost close to 80lbs now.

The difference is I've eaten LCHF and she keeps eating her same old diet.

I'm trying to encourage her, as I know she'll be healthier and happier in the long run...

any suggestions on how to 1) encourage her to try, and; 2) have her stick with the diet?
 

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I was always fairly skinny all through my childhood , well into college. Even the Freshman 15 didn't hit me. But once I started to have kids, especially the ones in my late 30's, my body rebelled against me. When women deal with hormones especially in their 40's and 50's, the weight seems to just pile on. When my husband and I went on diets at the same time he would always lose so much faster than me, darn hormones. What pushed me to diet was once when I saw some Christmas Photos when I was in my late 40's. I didn't recognise the person in the picture. The weight had come on very slowly and of course I never weighted myself unless I had to. But when I had to buy a size 16 jeans I knew I had to do something. I am now into a size 4 jeans and yes I do like it and I am sure my husband likes it too.
 
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After re-reading your post, I'd like to revise the advice I gave you. I think the most important thing you said is your wife is getting more depressed. When one spouse is heavy and the other is thin, the heavy one sometimes feels as though they look like Laurel & Hardy together, and is sometimes afraid the thin one will find a thinner version to replace them. That can be very depressing.

Then if the thin one says something like, "You might want to lose a couple of pounds." the heavy one is thinking, 'He/she thinks I am a big, fat slob and is trying to force me to go on a diet.'

I wouldn't mention low carb, diet or exercise, etc. to her, just keep letting her know you'll always be there. If you cook low carb, ask if she wants to taste different things. If she thinks you aren't pushing her, and her depression improves, she might come around on her own.
 

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I think Magic is right... never mention her weight. Keep telling her how beautiful she is to you. If she mentions her weight just tell her that you are confident she will make the changes she needs to when she is ready. Be sure any encouragement is in the form of concern for her health.. not her size.
Back Pages also makes a good point... we diabetics have a huge incentive to stay on low carb that non-diabetics don't have. I'm not sure I would have the discipline to do it if my immediate health wasn't on the line - it may not be right for her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
She sees your success, and maybe it just needs to 'click' for her, and her click time isn't here yet. Has she expressed an interest in LC/HF? I'd imagine there's plenty of discussion about it around the house.
Yeah, I'm a walking/talking repository of LCHF research/information ... so she probably hears TOO much discussion, LOL.

Does she do the cooking, and you just eat what you can and supplement with other foods you make, or ...?
Either of us MAY cook... I cook slightly more often. She SNACKS though. And not on good things... Cookies, Chocolate bars, Oreo Cakesters (eww)...

Regardless of who cooks, what about printing out some of our great recipes and suggest cooking together? Joint meal prep for things she wouldn't think to eat. Maybe she doesn't realize how delicious a lot of low-carb eating can be. Think of her favorite foods and sneak in here and ask us for work-arounds (if you're not the cook!) and then surprise her with dinner. Baby steps.
Thanks, I can try that. She actually likes many of the LCHF meals I make ... but I think she's a carb-addict, so craves carbohydrate in it's absence... How to get somewhere from there, I'm not sure...
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
i dont think YOU can do anything. its her that needs to do it. as much as you'd like to help, the willpower needed for this is intense and unfortunately some people cannot sustain it.
That is a SPOT-ON statement, Eric. I'm hoping we can find it within her, though. She is stronger than she thinks, that I know.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I would recommend doing things that help increase her self-esteem and reduce her stress levels. FYI, depression is caused by having more stress than our ability to cope. I like what Dr. Phil has suggested on his TV show when he says that you should wake up each day and say to yourself, "What can I do today to make her life better?" Focus on NON-food things. Focus on doing anything and everything that will help reduce the stress in her life. Focus what may be causing her to feel extra stress and see what you can do to change/improve those things.

When the time is right for HER, she will change her diet if she wants to and/or sees a need to.

Does she have Diabetes?
thanks, I'm trying to help her out where/when I can - I'm certainly doing more than I did even a year ago.

No, she shows no signs of diabetes YET - but I'm pretty sure there's insulin resistance there, as her fat stores are increasing faster over the past couple years than they used to. I don't think she's that far away... Her fasting tests come back fine, she's never had an HbA1c (as her fastings are fine, and too many doctors don't realize fastings are the LAST thing to go sometime...) but I think I might like to talk her into our own OGGT at home and see what happens...
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
...Ever since the big D, I have been on a quest to find a good tasting substitute for every food we use to eat that is a diabetic no-no. I experiment with a lot of dessert recipes, trying to keep my diabetic husband on the strait and narrow, and it is working. He use to eat Little Debbie's by the box. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. (Or in this case, artificial sweetener.)
Neither of us is really a 'baker' ... she never did it as a child (her family simply bought everything from local bakeries, and later grocery stores as they all added their own) and my mom baked as a kid, but I didn't.

We never really found the time (or the work space) to bake ... we have very limited counter or work space, LOL so it's tricky.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Who buys the grocerys in your house, and who does the cooking. Thats me on both accounts, so wife has little choice unless she wants to go to the store and fix it herself. . .
I do MOST of the shopping and the majority of the cooking.

She also goes shopping though - so our pantry ends up having things like Breton Crackers, Nabisco Vegetable Thins, Oreos, etc... Usually if she shops is right after she's done work - when she's hungry. Not good, LOL.

Try talking her out of it though... that doesn't work, LOL.
 
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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
...I wouldn't mention low carb, diet or exercise, etc. to her, just keep letting her know you'll always be there. If you cook low carb, ask if she wants to taste different things. If she thinks you aren't pushing her, and her depression improves, she might come around on her own.
Thank you for your post, it makes a lot of sense.

... it's too late on mentioning it to her, LOL. I'm a little obsessed about it and it ends up in our conversations too much.

We have talked and I've mentioned I only want her to lose weight FOR HER. I think she'd be healthier and happier. I did say though that it was for me too as I'd like to have her around at least as long as I am... We've been married for 22 years and I really am looking forward to "growing old together" ... I don't want it to be while horribly sick, you know?
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
I think Magic is right... never mention her weight. Keep telling her how beautiful she is to you. If she mentions her weight just tell her that you are confident she will make the changes she needs to when she is ready. Be sure any encouragement is in the form of concern for her health.. not her size.
Will do, Vicky. Thank you.

Back Pages also makes a good point... we diabetics have a huge incentive to stay on low carb that non-diabetics don't have. I'm not sure I would have the discipline to do it if my immediate health wasn't on the line - it may not be right for her.
Eric often does make good points - and he's unapologetically blunt, LOL. I like that :)
 
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Eric often does make good points - and he's unapologetically blunt, LOL. I like that :)
"Unapologetically blunt" hmmm. Seems that men can get by with that - when a woman does it, she's called a B****. :D

I still say that a woman's weight is such a touchy issue that you cannot approach it head on or else she will resent you. You have to take a back door approach. When a woman (or man for that matter) starts to love themselves and feel good about themselves, they start taking better care of their bodies and health. So, the love and self-esteem comes first, then the dietary changes - not the other way around.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
...I still say that you a woman's weight is such a touchy issue that you cannot approach it head on or else she will resent you. You have to take a back door approach. When a woman (or man for that matter) starts to love themselves and feel good about themselves, they start taking better care of their bodies and health. So, the love and self-esteem comes first, then the dietary changes - not the other way around.
Gotcha, will work on that, thanks!
 
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