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I have several diabetic relatives who know they need to lose weight and cut carbs, but they won't because they don't want to give anything up. And since it is almost impossible to convince a diabetic, you may have quite a challenge on your hands trying to convince your wife.

I think there are very good substitutes for most higher carb foods, but not others, like deep fried french fries or pasta. Nothing out there tastes exactly like those things. If she knows she can eat low carb, but still have the real things that she misses when she wants them, it might be easier to convince her to eat more low carb foods. Like moon said, baby steps.

Ever since the big D, I have been on a quest to find a good tasting substitute for every food we use to eat that is a diabetic no-no. I experiment with a lot of dessert recipes, trying to keep my diabetic husband on the strait and narrow, and it is working. He use to eat Little Debbie's by the box. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. (Or in this case, artificial sweetener.)
 

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After re-reading your post, I'd like to revise the advice I gave you. I think the most important thing you said is your wife is getting more depressed. When one spouse is heavy and the other is thin, the heavy one sometimes feels as though they look like Laurel & Hardy together, and is sometimes afraid the thin one will find a thinner version to replace them. That can be very depressing.

Then if the thin one says something like, "You might want to lose a couple of pounds." the heavy one is thinking, 'He/she thinks I am a big, fat slob and is trying to force me to go on a diet.'

I wouldn't mention low carb, diet or exercise, etc. to her, just keep letting her know you'll always be there. If you cook low carb, ask if she wants to taste different things. If she thinks you aren't pushing her, and her depression improves, she might come around on her own.
 
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