[RockyXX]

I dont even know what to say right now. This pain is unbearable. It has taken over everything of me-body and mind. My anti depressants don't work, actually make it worse and this emotional/verbal/psychological abuse from my husband is destroying me. He is only nice when he wants to be or when he needs something. But I love him and that's why it's so hard. He wasn't like that 8 months ago.

Plus there is no1 i know in this city, and the symptoms of hyperglycemia and extreme exhaustion 24/7 make it even harder on me. I just want out. I don't know what to do. I try to sleep more than 8hrs so I can not feel the pain and most of the time my mind is "on the other side" and it's scary. It hurts. I know you all have your own problems so I don't expect help or replies. I just needed to let it out and write.

 

[Patdart]

What about calling a woman's shelter and asking for a hotline to call and talk to someone nearby for help. Or, a nat'l hotline for help? You need more support than we can give you for the depression and abuse issues.

I hope it gets better soon!

 

[Shalynne]

Rocky?

... what Patdart said!

Sounds to me like you need a break from your situation. A change of environment can be the greatest healer.

We can ... and will continue to ... provide moral support. But sometimes a real change in the outer world is absolutely key to self-change.

We're all rooting for you!

 

[Richard157]

Rocky, why are you having so much high blood sugar? You may need insulin to have normal blood sugar levels. You are slim, and you have high blood sugar, so it sounds like you are type 1. A type 1 must use insulin!!! I hope an endocrinologist will examine you and give the tests to determine your type. If you are type 1 and you start taking insulin, you will feel so much better once you are adjusted.

Richard

 

[RockyXX]

i already moved to a new place bcuz im stationed here and my husband came too. i cant just move...and i dont need a womens shelter because he was never physical so it's not like im scared of him... its just his coldness and how he talks and what he says... sigh. but maybe it's my fault so i shouldnt be complaining.

 

[RockyXX]

Rocky, why are you having so much high blood sugar? You may need insulin to have normal blood sugar levels. You are slim, and you have high blood sugar, so it sounds like you are type 1. A type 1 must use insulin!!! I hope an endocrinologist will examine you and give the tests to determine your type. If you are type 1 and you start taking insulin, you will feel so much better once you are adjusted.

Richard

I don't know richard i always wake up with high bgl... of at least 120 or more. i do eat right, nothing to out of the ordinary. and the doctor only knows that my body is insulin resistant and doesn't distribute it or doesnt know what to do with it and the cells dont get it and then i have high sugar levels.

My next endocrinologist appt is June 13. I hope she will give me a diagnosis.

 

[Patdart]

i already moved to a new place bcuz im stationed here and my husband came too. i cant just move...and i dont need a womens shelter because he was never physical so it's not like im scared of him... its just his coldness and how he talks and what he says... sigh. but maybe it's my fault so i shouldnt be complaining.

I'm sorry I wasn't clear in what I meant, Rocky. I meant to find someone for you to talk to and maybe a place to go to get a short break and as I'm sure you know from what you say, abuse can change fast with no warning. I only want you to be safe so you can deal with your emotions and I thought maybe you could make a friend to whom to share your burden until you are in a better place in your head.

 

[MIKEYROBERT]

I dont even know what to say right now. This pain is unbearable. It has taken over everything of me-body and mind. My anti depressants don't work, actually make it worse and this emotional/verbal/psychological abuse from my husband is destroying me. He is only nice when he wants to be or when he needs something. But I love him and that's why it's so hard. He wasn't like that 8 months ago.

Plus there is no1 i know in this city, and the symptoms of hyperglycemia and extreme exhaustion 24/7 make it even harder on me. I just want out. I don't know what to do. I try to sleep more than 8hrs so I can not feel the pain and most of the time my mind is "on the other side" and it's scary. It hurts. I know you all have your own problems so I don't expect help or replies. I just needed to let it out and write.

I don't know alot but i do know when the pain gets unbearable you don't give in. We all do have our own problems but what helps me the most is trying to share that which will help others, so by you sharing your problems you help all of us out by letting us share to help you, that way we don't have to think about ourselves, our diabetes, or other problems. The best theraphy for depression is to get out of yourself and go help someone and stop thinking about how you feel, at least thats the way is for me when i'm depressed.

One more thing maybe your husband is emotionally abusive or cold but your happiness doesn't have to depend on how he is treating you. My happiness isn't based on how will my wife treats me, it's based on what i put into our marrage regardless if she rejects or not.In my opinion, you need to sit down and talk it out with someone instead of holding it in because stress will drive up blood sugars also.
Good luck, you are in my prayers. Mikey

 

[Shanny]

i already moved to a new place bcuz im stationed here and my husband came too. i cant just move...and i dont need a womens shelter because he was never physical so it's not like im scared of him... its just his coldness and how he talks and what he says... sigh. but maybe it's my fault so i shouldnt be complaining.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

Don't ever believe that it's your fault! That is exactly what his taunts are meant to do - isolate you & make you think you brought it all on yourself. And above all do not let him persuade you that having a baby will fix everything.

I take it your husband is not military. Otherwise I'd have asked if he'd been out-of-country until eight months ago. What the heck happened eight months ago that changed his behavior?

Richard is right - I have suspicions that you might be type 1 or 1.5 too. Please follow up on this.

 

[Shalynne]

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

Don't ever believe that it's your fault! That is exactly what his taunts are meant to do - isolate you & make you think you brought it all on yourself. And above all do not let him persuade you that having a baby will fix everything.

I take it your husband is not military. Otherwise I'd have asked if he'd been out-of-country until eight months ago. What the heck happened eight months ago that changed his behavior?

Richard is right - I have suspicions that you might be type 1 or 1.5 too. Please follow up on this.

Hello Again!

What Shanny said!

To reiterate her main point (and the others were just as good): NOT YOUR FAULT!

Abuse is abuse is abuse. Yeah, emotional abuse is not as actionable as physical stuff. BUT ... in my Never-Humble Opinion (and that of many experts), the crazymaking aspect of verbal/emotional abuse can cause much more damage.

If a women's shelter won't do, is there a co-worker or other pal you can visit for a time? Sometimes, even in everyday, non-abusive situations, we Just Need A Break.

 

[onlymep]

I agree with others in that you may need a break for a bit to help you sort through your emotions. Swimming in our own negative emotions is never fun... luckily I'm not suffering depression, but I sometimes do have those down days or moments. Hopefully a change of scenery and chatting with others may just help your mind be renewed and you then start feeling better.

 

[RockyXX]

He is out of town right now and even though you guys say its not my fault... i may say or do things that trigger him to act that way. what if my mouth slips and i say something or i do something that causes it. im sure i made the mistakes. and no, i dont have friends here. they are all down in the South. I go on this Forum every day because I know each and every one of you that writes those lines, gives me support and a feeling that im not alone in this. i hope no1 else is going through abuse, but handling that +clinical depression+diabetes+fatigue can be overwhelming and im not ready to talk to a psychologist. i just dont see a point in anything anymore sometimes...

Thank you guys for keeping me in your prayers.i do the same for all of you.

 

[Shanny]

He is out of town right now and even though you guys say its not my fault... i may say or do things that trigger him to act that way. what if my mouth slips and i say something or i do something that causes it. im sure i made the mistakes.

That's a timeworn excuse for abuse of any kind. Even the ones who pound their wives to a pulp will say "she made me do it - she shot off her mouth - she was late with dinner - she spent $10 on lipstick - etc."

IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT, ROCKY!

 

[RockyXX]

That's a timeworn excuse for abuse of any kind. Even the ones who pound their wives to a pulp will say "she made me do it - she shot off her mouth - she was late with dinner - she spent $10 on lipstick - etc."

IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT, ROCKY!

Maybe shanny... maybe. but i still should change something about how i act. i mean i give him everything but lately with this BGL problem and depression he gets mad and abusive saying i have no reason to be depressed, i should b strong and b like him who tackles every problem....basically be emotionless. im not him though. so i get criticized instead of emotionally supported....

These anti depressants really suck. What happens if you skip dosage?

 

[jwags]

I wish I had a magic wand and could make the pain go away. I think you should see some type of counselor that could help you sort some of these things out. If your bgs are only 120 that is not terribly high. I know personally if I get depressed I tend to eat things I shouldn't and that may be why you are getting spikes. I agree with the others emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, maybe even worse.

 

[RockyXX]

I wish I had a magic wand and could make the pain go away. I think you should see some type of counselor that could help you sort some of these things out. If your bgs are only 120 that is not terribly high. I know personally if I get depressed I tend to eat things I shouldn't and that may be why you are getting spikes. I agree with the others emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, maybe even worse.

i wish it was 120 during the day... it goes up to 200. i know it may be low compared to other people, but that number makes me feel a certain way that is new to me. I wish I had a magic wand too. lol but talking to you guys helps me.

 

[beaner293]

Rocky-Stress can play a HUGE factor in your numbers and your overall well being - sounds to me like you're pretty stressed.

I agree with the others, your first priority is to realize it's not your fault. Second is find someone to talk to-check out your local hospital to see if they have a support group. Third, find a good therapist, if money is an issue many organizations have no-fee/sliding fee scales. Finally, if you can excercise for 30 minutes, you'll see your numbers drop - mine go down 20pts after 20 minute of walking. The excercise would/should/could also help with the depression. Best of luck and hang in there!

 

[MIKEYROBERT]

Maybe shanny... maybe. but i still should change something about how i act. i mean i give him everything but lately with this BGL problem and depression he gets mad and abusive saying i have no reason to be depressed, i should b strong and b like him who tackles every problem....basically be emotionless. im not him though. so i get criticized instead of emotionally supported....

These anti depressants really suck. What happens if you skip dosage?

Stop taking the blame for your husbands reactions to your depression, it's his fault not yours. My reactions to others are mine and not a result of how others treat me. Only a selfcentered person is unkind to a person suffering from depression and the problems you have. I agree with Shanny and others, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!! Your husband need to suck it up and be supportive of you and he should be helping you find a solution to your problems, not condemn you for them. Forgive me for saying this, but your husband sounds like a selfcentered, selfish, selfabsorbed moron for how he treats you. I'll pray for him also. Mikey

 

[Wink]

What everyone is telling you is right - there is no excuse for your husband to treat you that way. I've been there.. not exactly maybe, but the same patterns. Your husband is fine and happy as long as he gets what he wants, when he wants it... when your circumstances start impacting him he has a little tantrum (he might be cold and quiet.. but it's still a tantrum). You probably don't even realize the extent of the damage he has caused to your self-worth.

My first husband was like this and in the early years I learned to prevent anything that made him unhappy. I took responsibility for his moods and took the blame when I didn't stop anything that was inconvenient or uncomfortable for him. This process gradually destroyed my confidence - I could never meet the standard for keeping his life worry free. There was alot of damned if I do, damned if I don't. I couldn't win. On one level I knew it wasn't all my fault but I had promised for better or worse and since there was no physical abuse I figured that I had made my own bed and had to live with it. I lived every day on eggshells not knowing what little thing might set him off - afraid to do anything for fear it would be wrong. The light finally dawned when our then 4 year old son was being destroyed by the same emotional abuse.. he had zero confidence, couldn't make his dad happy no matter what. Looking at what my son was going through and would continue to go through I finally made the break for his sake - best decision of my life and my son (now 36) grew up to be a strong, confident, and highly caring husband and father.

After I left the abuse, I eventually realized that I was worth protection from the abuse every bit as much as my son This is a key to emotional abuse.. the abused person has so little self asteem that they don't recognize that they have a right to be treated well. Why are you always trying to keep him happy, why isn't he trying to keep you happy?

You might not have to leave your husband, only the person in a marriage can determine whether things can be turned around but what you MUST do is stand up for yourself - you are a person of great worth (as is everyone) and you can demand to be treated well. You should not have to be perfect to be loved and respected.

My current husband loves and respects me. If I do something that hurts or annoys him he can tell me so in a respectful way so we can work together to resolve the issue - goes both ways. No yelling, no coldness, no blame.. just WE have a problem, how can WE solve it. What will make OUR life happier?

Sorry to have written a book here but I'm hoping some of this helps. Regain the confidence he has destroyed. Decide what you want your life to be. Take the steps needed to get there. I'm sure this will tame the depression too - feeling helpless is depression - feeling in control to shape your future is healthy.

One more thing, no babies until you have control of your life - it's hard enough to raise a child in healthy situations.

Take care.. please.

 

[fiesta]

Rocky, hang in there. I go for exercises when my numbers are high. That does work and it lowers the BG.

For the pain, my doctor has prescribed a pain pill. Have you asked your doctor for a pain pill?

Everyone else has given good advice. Talk to someone on a hotline or go to a shelter. Please get help. You are a good friend of mine. You have many friends here and we all care for you.

Ruth