What everyone is telling you is right - there is no excuse for your husband to treat you that way. I've been there.. not exactly maybe, but the same patterns. Your husband is fine and happy as long as he gets what he wants, when he wants it... when your circumstances start impacting him he has a little tantrum (he might be cold and quiet.. but it's still a tantrum). You probably don't even realize the extent of the damage he has caused to your self-worth.
My first husband was like this and in the early years I learned to prevent anything that made him unhappy. I took responsibility for his moods and took the blame when I didn't stop anything that was inconvenient or uncomfortable for him. This process gradually destroyed my confidence - I could never meet the standard for keeping his life worry free. There was alot of damned if I do, damned if I don't. I couldn't win. On one level I knew it wasn't all my fault but I had promised for better or worse and since there was no physical abuse I figured that I had made my own bed and had to live with it. I lived every day on eggshells not knowing what little thing might set him off - afraid to do anything for fear it would be wrong. The light finally dawned when our then 4 year old son was being destroyed by the same emotional abuse.. he had zero confidence, couldn't make his dad happy no matter what. Looking at what my son was going through and would continue to go through I finally made the break for his sake - best decision of my life and my son (now 36) grew up to be a strong, confident, and highly caring husband and father.
After I left the abuse, I eventually realized that I was worth protection from the abuse every bit as much as my son This is a key to emotional abuse.. the abused person has so little self asteem that they don't recognize that they have a right to be treated well. Why are you always trying to keep him happy, why isn't he trying to keep you happy?
You might not have to leave your husband, only the person in a marriage can determine whether things can be turned around but what you MUST do is stand up for yourself - you are a person of great worth (as is everyone) and you can demand to be treated well. You should not have to be perfect to be loved and respected.
My current husband loves and respects me. If I do something that hurts or annoys him he can tell me so in a respectful way so we can work together to resolve the issue - goes both ways. No yelling, no coldness, no blame.. just WE have a problem, how can WE solve it. What will make OUR life happier?
Sorry to have written a book here but I'm hoping some of this helps. Regain the confidence he has destroyed. Decide what you want your life to be. Take the steps needed to get there. I'm sure this will tame the depression too - feeling helpless is depression - feeling in control to shape your future is healthy.
One more thing, no babies until you have control of your life - it's hard enough to raise a child in healthy situations.
Take care.. please.
