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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, I was diagnosed just about a month ago and have been slowly adjusting to eating low carb. I'm not always perfect at it, but I keep trying to improve.

Then this weekend we went to visit my sister-in-law for our nephew's bday party. Ugh. They passed me some cake and ice cream (they know about my diagnosis.. and in fact my sister-in-law has PCOS and takes metformin). I didn't know what to do and didn't want to be rude so I ate it (and mentally freaking out)

Then we went over to in-laws' house next and she served us brisket sandwiches with potato salad and chips. Again I didn't know what to do so I ate it. Then mother-in-law passed around M&M's!!! By this time I was in high sugar land and craving carbs like mad and ate several. Ugh.

Previously when we told them about my diagnosis (a month ago) my mother-in-law said, "just have the doctor give you metformin so you can eat real food"

Today I'm paying penance by exercising and being strict on the carbs and my sugars are not behaving so well (as I suspected might be the case).

Then my mom called today and asked what I was going to bring to Thanksgiving and I said I didn't know yet as I wasn't sure what I could eat and/or what others might be willing to eat. and she said, "can't you just take a break from your diet?"

What am I supposed to do? How do you handle relatives that are not being supportive and how do you keep from appearing to be rude by rejecting the foods??? I'm a people pleaser by nature and I really do not know what to do? Do I just eat the stuff and pay penance the next day, be rude and hurt everyone's feeilngs, or other (which I have not thought of)?
 

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This is a problem that many of us face, so you aren't alone. Sometimes what works in one situation doesn't work at all for the next time. When offered something that I would normally prefer not to eat - I have said "that looks delicious, but I think I will pass this time". Or you can take a very small taste if you feel that you must.

The holidays, for me at least, are the most difficult time of the year. So many sweet foods and so many carb laden foods. Since you are newly diagnosed, try not to be too hard on yourself. It isn't the end of the world if you make a different choice for food when you're at someone else's home. Just keep on trying to make good choices at the next meal or the next day.

If you "fall off the horse", so to speak, you have to get back on again and keep trying. Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yeah it is hard.

Weird thing is my paternal grandma, paternal aunts and my father are all type II ( possibly where I inherited the type II from). And you couldn't hardly tell by what they eat. My dad thinks 130 in the morning is pretty good and that's the only time he even checks his sugar.

My parents and in-laws are all on me like crazy to give them a grandbaby and yet in order to do that i need to get my sugars controlled (which they are definitely not helping). Just feels annoying. Especially since I'm due for a progress report in January (where he will decide if I need to take metformin or not based off of my progress)

I feel pretty stressed out to be honest. Even my hubby who is type 1 diabetic doesn't understand. He just takes insulin when he wants to eat carbs. He said he doesn't want to eat what I eat.

Kinda of having a pity party I guess.
 

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um ok a few points...

you say you are a people pleaser...YOU are the top of that list of people to please...without you...you can't please anyone

YOUR health is more important than anyone's feelings

THEY are not qualifies to diagnose you nor tell you how to eat

YOU are not on a diet...you are eating to SAVE your life

ok a quiz I've used b4...if you were allergic to nuts would you eat them JUST to please your family? if you answered YES....get ye to a therapist now! lol

There is no choices to make here...either you change your perspective and see yourself as the most important person in your life OR you please them and suffer ALL the consequences

Every time your blood sugar passes 140 you are damaging your organs...perhaps ask them what they'd like to write on your tombstone...

"she was always so obliging...to the end" lol sorry I'm not being mean I'm being real...

If you please them you are saying (and reinforcing) constantly that you are NOT worth saving
 

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The way I see it, people who expect you to concede to their wishes by just taking a pill, or a break from your diet, are being rude & hurtful to you first. Here you are, agonizing over it, while they go merrily on their ways.

I'm sorry to hear your husband has rescinded his original willingness to change up the menus. I had hoped you two could go into this holiday season as a team, with him having your back. He'd surely benefit from your way-of-eating by using less insulin. <shrug>

That being said, I suppose if these folks are hell on wheels, you could prob'ly take one bite of their offerings, and then go on to eat the things you CAN eat (the brisket but not the bun, etc. etc. - I hope it wasn't drowned in bbq sauce!). And if you're contributing to the meals, always take something you can eat plenty of. BUT! - if there's any talking to them, they need to be made to understand that this is your LIFE, not just some damn diet you can take a break from. And if they're emotionally invested in you eating the meals they prepare, then they need to prepare a few things you can safely eat. You are working REALLY HARD on this, and it just isn't fair for your relatives to sabotage your success every time you turn around. Besides which, you want to give them grandchildren remember, so they better decide what they want most - you eating their cakes/pies, or you giving them grandbabies!

Even if you are by nature a people pleaser, try to make this the exception and let people know it. You have already let them know about your diagnosis, and now they need to be told that you will no longer negotiate about your management of your diabetes, and that means your way of eating (If they jump to the defensive & come back about your husband being diabetic & never acting like this, then you'll have to explain that type 1 and type 2 are very different disorders). This is your first best chance to get things straight - I think you can do it with being rude - whether they get hurt & indignant about it is not within your control. But if they once get the notion that you'll just sit down & eat whatever they put in front of you, you'll never get another opportunity as good as this.

So if they're on your back about grandchildren, tell them to lighten up about your way-of-eating, for gosh sake!

(can you tell you tripped my trigger, sweetie? I just wanna wring their necks for making you feel like this!)

And sorry Deena - you said this so much more succinctly - didn't mean to repeat everything you said! Typing at the same time as you! =)
 

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sorry if that came across harsh but :) you're important
 
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Deena's right - you have to please yourself first. And I understand it's hard to change old habits, tweak parts of our personality and orientation, but there couldn't be a better place to start than with diabetes.

I think also you might be putting too much importance on how much your eating cake is actually pleasing them. All you have to get past is that moment when they offer, you decline and they say 'why not?' or 'just this once' and you repeat, 'I don't care for any, but thank you' and change the subject. Use diversion, don't let them focus on you and the cake.

With close family members you are going to go through this with often, I would meet with each of them individually, and tell them that you need their support and help. You have decided to manage your diabetes a different way than they do, and when you are in group situations, you would appreciate if they would accept 'no' and not press you, and help back you up if someone else does. You don't need to convert them, only to get them to respect that when you say no you mean it.

Not easy, I know. Pushers. Bah.
 

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Ok, I was diagnosed just about a month ago and have been slowly adjusting to eating low carb. I'm not always perfect at it, but I keep trying to improve.

Then this weekend we went to visit my sister-in-law for our nephew's bday party. Ugh. They passed me some cake and ice cream (they know about my diagnosis.. and in fact my sister-in-law has PCOS and takes metformin). I didn't know what to do and didn't want to be rude so I ate it (and mentally freaking out)

Then we went over to in-laws' house next and she served us brisket sandwiches with potato salad and chips. Again I didn't know what to do so I ate it. Then mother-in-law passed around M&M's!!! By this time I was in high sugar land and craving carbs like mad and ate several. Ugh.

Previously when we told them about my diagnosis (a month ago) my mother-in-law said, "just have the doctor give you metformin so you can eat real food"

Today I'm paying penance by exercising and being strict on the carbs and my sugars are not behaving so well (as I suspected might be the case).

Then my mom called today and asked what I was going to bring to Thanksgiving and I said I didn't know yet as I wasn't sure what I could eat and/or what others might be willing to eat. and she said, "can't you just take a break from your diet?"

What am I supposed to do? How do you handle relatives that are not being supportive and how do you keep from appearing to be rude by rejecting the foods??? I'm a people pleaser by nature and I really do not know what to do? Do I just eat the stuff and pay penance the next day, be rude and hurt everyone's feeilngs, or other (which I have not thought of)?
Yeah I can relate with this. So often i meet relatives who say "so and so has diabetes for so many years and eats everything, then why cant you ?"

But I've decided I don't give a rat's *** of what they think if they want to feel bad, that's upto them. But I don't pick a fight, I just silently ignore because there's not point fighting and arguing with someone who is ignorant.

But I'd like to add my parents in law and parents and wife have so far been very supportive. Only a few other relatives know..
 
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But I've decided I don't give a rat's *** of what they think if they want to feel bad, that's upto them. But I don't pick a fight, I just silently ignore because there's not point fighting and arguing with someone who is ignorant.
As someone rightly said (can;t recall who)

Eating healthy wouldn’t be so hard if you didn’t have food offered to you constantly. However, if you’re going to be successful making healthy food choices day after day, you must set boundaries, not only for yourself, but for people who’ll try to feed you.

:)
 

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If they offered you a glass of water with a few drops of antifreeze in it, not enough to immediately kill you but possibly enough to cause kidney damage and other chronic health issues, would you drink it?

This isn't any different.

You don't have to argue, to shout, to offer an elegant argument that'll convince them, or to gain understanding. All you have to do is say 'no'.

Since they're so unsympathetic to your maintaining your health do you think they'll be supportive of you if you lose it?

If you give control of your life over to someone else you're doomed. Take the wheel, take the reins. Either that or get on insulin pronto. This isn't a matter of who thinks what about what, it's a matter of keeping the number on the meter down at any cost.
 

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I think that some.of you expect too much from relatives. From what I have learned is people just dont know that carbs and sugar are the same. My mother in law is the same, so what I did was educate her. You cant expect people to know everyting about diabetes right away. My mother in law now makes less carb meals when we go over.

What I do when offered something I shouldnt eag is juat say no thank you. Pretty simple and if they want an explanation tell them. That alone.will educate them. Eating to be polite isnt good for you. I am constantly learning, pass the knowledge on.
 
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I don't think anyone is saying we expect people to know about diabetes...it was more about an ability to not eat to please other people....about having the um state of mind to say 'no' without being held hostage to family guilt and pressure...
 

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I think this has happened to all of us. But you do have to become your own cheerleader when it comes to diabetes. I remember in the beginning my doctor told me testing was optional and only to do it once in awhile. So I didn't realise how high my bgs were going after eating some of those carbs. When I found out I should be testing at 2 hours, my whole world changed. I found I was spiking into the 200-300 range and staying there. Food , especially carby food seems to be at the center of every family occassion. It has taken me several years to learn to deal with this but I have come up with my own strategies. I often will bring a low carb, bg safe dish when I am going to family celebrations. If they are pushing carbs on you, just tell them No, these don't fit into your diet to keep bgs low. Try to avoid getting into a discussion or debate, it doesn't work. I know my family and friends think I am wierd and I eat so restrictive but I am healthy and that is what matters. I used to be afraid to go to parties but now I can deal with it. For Thanksgiving make some LC cranberry sauce, a LC pie and enjoy the day. I also find eating nuts about 1/2 hour before a meal really helps with those carb cravings. If nothing else works have a few glasses of wine, it really helps you get through those family dinners.
 

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If they offered you a glass of water with a few drops of antifreeze in it, not enough to immediately kill you but possibly enough to cause kidney damage and other chronic health issues, would you drink it?

This isn't any different.

You don't have to argue, to shout, to offer an elegant argument that'll convince them, or to gain understanding. All you have to do is say 'no'.

Since they're so unsympathetic to your maintaining your health do you think they'll be supportive of you if you lose it?

If you give control of your life over to someone else you're doomed. Take the wheel, take the reins. Either that or get on insulin pronto. This isn't a matter of who thinks what about what, it's a matter of keeping the number on the meter down at any cost.

Even with insulin - there is no way you can eat whatever you want w/o paying a price. Insulin helps control the blood sugar spike. It does NOT give you a license to eat whatever you want in huge amounts.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Wow!

Wow I went to bed and wake up to tons of messages! You guys must either be night owls, early birds, or in a totally different time zone!

I definitely appreciate all the comments including the more harsh ones. :)

It is nice to have support from people who understand :)

This was my first encounter with a family get together since my diagnosis. I guess I expected that since there are so many type I and type II diabetics in both sides of the family they would be understanding. Perhaps it is because they do not know enough about proper type II diabetes management.

I was kind of freaking out a bit because if it was that difficult at a bday party then what is Thanksgiving and Christmas going to be like!!!

And Yeah I had hoped my hubby would eat like me since he is type 1, but he is stuck in his ways and doesn't like to give up fave foods. I can handle that, but he didn't even help me with his own family which I did find bothersome. We've been married 3 years so I have a hard time to always know how to interact with them yet.

Anyway, I am hoping that if I am successful in getting my sugars under control perhaps the other type II's in the family will be interested in what I stumbled upon when finding this forum.

Glad I at least have support here!!! Ya'll guys are really nice :)
 

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I've enjoyed so many of the answers in this thread :D ... and the bottom line is : it's your health. You'll be the one facing complications. Not them. Be strong. Once you've established with everyone that you are in charge, they will eventually back off. And yes, some never do.

The funniest that has happened so far... I was offered fudge. I said 'No thank you'. The person insisted : 'Come on. Have some. Just don't tell your doctor!' ... :cool:

Your health is your wealth!
 
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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Even with insulin - there is no way you can eat whatever you want w/o paying a price. Insulin helps control the blood sugar spike. It does NOT give you a license to eat whatever you want in huge amounts.
Strawberry, I was wondering about that. My hubby eats whatever he wants and just tells his insulin pump to deliver insulin to make up for it. I thought there must be a catch 22 about that but since I'm not an expert I didn't want to press him on it. What complications might happen if he just eats whatever he wants and takes insulin to make up for it (not that I'm going to lecture him)?
 

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I think we all run into this with our relatives, me not so much, cause I am generally an a$$ when it comes to telling me what to do and how to eat. My wife on the other hand who is D as well falls prey to her mother and sister's goading on what she should eat, it infuriates me. Last Thanksgiving I had to corner her sister after she repeatedly pressured my wife into having more cake and cookies, I told her would she pressure a person with lung cancer into smoking a cigarette then why are you acting like this. Made her pretty mad, but then again I'm an a$$ when it comes to my wife's health.

On the lighter side, I have 5 grandkids, and 3 kids, so Birthdays are numerous thru out the year. What we do is go strictly low carb the day before the party so we can enjoy the cake and ice cream. Be sure to eat the ice cream it slows down the spike. Also if you remove the icing or most of it, the cake itself will spike you a lot less. Been thru 20 birthdays in the past 2 yrs, hasn't failed me yet.

The brisket sandwitch and the potato salad wouldn't be to bad if you removed the bread. The potato salad if it wasn't spiked with sugar may not give you a big spike because of the resistant starch formed by the potatoes being refrigerated.

Hope this helps
 

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I fend people off by acknowledging, YES, I AM WEIRD, but this diet is what works best for me. Hold your head high, keep a sense of humor, and try your darnedest NOT to fall off the wagon. Take along low-carb snacks like cheese or nuts. Rude? Yes, but it makes a point how serious you are. They might just catch on.

It takes a certain self-confidence. I have complete "faith" that this is the diet for me. If you have that, other people cannot tempt you with crap carbs.

A couple hypos (I use insulin) followed by overtreatment, followed by 4 - 5 days to get back into target range, have convinced me, falling off the wagon is not worth it! (of course, the time of running high may actually help "reset" my hypo detection, but that is another topic altogether).
 
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