Hi, my name is Buffy and I was diagnosed with diabetes type 2 in November of 2009. I spent a year feeling awful after several attacks of pancreatitis and having my gall bladder removed. I have a significant family history of diabetes. I am on meds only for the moment but recently my numbers have been hovering around 250 and last night they stayed over 300 (as high as 374) all night. Today I have been hovering around 250-275. I take metformin (2000 mg) and amaryl (8mg) for the diabetes; however, I take about a million more for high blood pressure, high cholesterol; bipolar disorder etc. I haven't been able to feel my feet for almost three years and the neurologist says that currently the nerve damage extends to my ankles. OK now it's confession time: I despise testing and I'm not very good about it. I am about 60 lbs overweight and have no motivation to lose it. I cheat on my diet A LOT. But I have 4 beautiful children, ages 4-18, and a wonderful husband, and a great career. I have a lot of guilt and right now I just feel terribly sad. I feel terrible most of the time. I have several great diabetes books and I have also done quite a bit of research about diabetes. I feel overwhelmed, confused, and sad. My family is very supportive but I'm a brat. I don't want to continue this way so I need help. I don't know how to beat this. Right now, I'm sitting here bawling. Thanks for giving me a place to vent.