[eightyeight]

Hi, I have a girlfriend whose family members are diabetic and have heart disease problems. My girlfriend is in her late 20s and I get very worried about her. She loves eating chocolate and anything that's sweet (not so much fruits). I tried to talk to her, tell her how much I care and how I get worried about her health, but I find that she's been eating more and more sweets lately, sometimes finishing a box of cookies.
She doesn't exercice much and I also tried to encourage her to join a gym together but she usually feels "lazy" or doesn't feel comfortable around people.
I tried to tell her how chocolate works, that it's like a cycle : the more we eat it, the more we want it, but she doesn't seem to care. She only replies that that's how she's always been.
After having done her blood test, the results showed that she was close to being diabetic...but still, no sign of initiative from her part.
I feel like no matter how much I'll talk about it, my words won't matter. What is there to do? I would really appreciate your help and advice.

Gary

 

[Shanny]

Well, it's a cinch nagging isn't gonna work. Unless she decides some changes are necessary, nothing you say is going to have any effect. It's the same as with quitting smoking or drinking or anything else others think is bad for us, we have to want to change for ourselves. Being adults gives us that autonomy over our own lives. How long have you two been together?

 

[eightyeight]

Thank you for your reply. We've been together for three years and I've talked about this only twice, and I never tried to blame her and say things like "why are you eating so much" or tell her what to do. I always try to focus on telling her that I do care, and all I want for her is to be healthy.
She did tell me that she wants to be healthy for me, but then I don't really see it. I do realize that no matter how much we talk to someone, the change has to come from themselves, I guess that's the difficult thing for me to accept at the moment.

 

[Shalynne]

You have two problems here.

First and foremost. She is an adult, and she has a perfect right to make her own decisions. Efforts at persuasion won't work.

Second. We live in a society where unhealthy non-foods are plentiful and healthy foods are harder to find, and more expensive, to boot. Typically it takes super-powerful inner motivation to fly in the face of, well, almost everybody -- especially when it comes to making lifelong changes.

The best way to offer support is to take her to places and events that do not center around food. Gyms and sports are great -- but simple walking is, perhaps, the best exercise of all, especially for the exercise non-prone. Walking exercises the mind and the senses, as well as the body.

If you do not tout the benefits, but simply offer her a glimpse of new ways, it may help. Or not. After all is done, her choices are her own.

 

[skb]

You could browse the forum together or ask her to join up. Another resource that will help would be BloodSugar101.

 

[VeeJay]

It's nice that you are willing to be supportive, but a little knowledge will help you understand that she is not "lazy" because she eats too much. The opposite is the real fact. She is tired because she's not taking up enough nutrition (despite eating a lot of starchy foods).

Here's how it works. When a person eats sugar/starch it is digested immediately into glucose and raises the glucose in the blood (BG). In a normal person the pancreas secretes enough insulin to cause the cells in the body to take up the glucose as fuel. In someone has a faulty metabolism (i.e., diabetes) this process is not working as well as it should. The cells begin to resist taking on more glucose so BG rises beyond normal range. Then, in order to get rid of excess BG, insulin will store it in the fat cells. As the body cells become more and more resistant to taking up glucose (called Insulin Resistance), more and more glucose is stored - leaving the cells crying out for the very thing they refuse to take up. This causes the person to feel hungry and they eat more and more carbohydrate laden foods - but they just feel tired and hungry. It is a vicious cycle.

So, be supportive, of course. But it's not so simple as "don't eat so much". Unless she understands that she can break this cycle by changing the way she eats - to a low-carb way of eating, then she will continue as is and eventually her blood work will show full-blown diabetes.

I would encourage you to encourage her to become better informed of her condition. Blood Sugar 101 is a perfect place to begin. And if she is inclined, we would invite her to join us here. Just reading the introduction threads would be a good place for her to see that when people take charge of their health, good things happen.

 

[RCG]

As usual, John has nailed it.

 

[John.in.France]

No I didn't - that's VeeJay's post!

 

[RCG]

No I didn't - that's VeeJay's post!

OOPS! Actually, I fouled it up even worse than that.

I was actually commenting on Shalynne's post.

 

[VeeJay]

RCG - have you had your morning coffee yet?

 

[diabetes86]

sweets do not cause diabetes... when we became diabetic sweets became a problem.

 

[RCG]

RCG - have you had your morning coffee yet?

Yes, I have, but it's decaf.

 

[Janknitz]

I'm a person that if someone--as kindly and with as much caring as possible--suggested something like this to me, I'd be angry and "show you" by doing the opposite. In other words, there's nothing ANYBODY could have done to convince me to get my diet and blood sugars under control except ME. Anybody who tried was just beating their heads against a brick wall. And the worst is someone who is fairly fit and athletic. They don't live in MY body and know anything about my daily struggles. My husband also lost a lot of weight through a less drastic dietary change and much more drastic exercise program. He's really clear (because I've made sure he gets it) that what worked for him is not what works for me because we have very different bodies.

So you are going to have to back WAY off. Sorry, but that's the truth. Your gentle suggestions to date have not worked, the more you gently and kindly suggest, the more she will dig in her heels. She has to come to the realization herself, and it may take years with more damage in the meantime.

What you CAN do is prepare healthful, low sugar and starch meals to share with her ("I'm watching what I eat") when you are together, and plan fun activities that involve a walk, a short hike, a physical challenge, etc. that she is willing to do. Let her have positive associations with healthful food and activities. Then let her come to her own conclusions. Don't push. Don't suggest, and don't get overly excited if she tries something on her own.

I think it's a lot like alcoholism. You are never going to convince an alcoholic to stop drinking until they have hit rock bottom. I had to get there with my body, before I decided to take charge. It's not pretty, it's hard to watch someone else do this to themselves, but you have no choice.

 

[eightyeight]

Thank you for all of your replies and suggestions.
I understand that I can't be pushy and like I said, in 3 years, I've only talked about this twice. I don't think that I'm being pushy. But, thank you for reminding me that I can't do anything if she doesn't want it for herself.
I've been learning to cook lately, so I guess that's a step forward in making changes together, and also the weather is getting better. I can ask her to go out for a walk with me.
Just to clarify something, I never said she was lazy. She said it about herself. And when she says it, I just stay quiet. Should I explain to her that it's because of the insulin resistance?
I'd like us to both get more information about it, even if I feel like she should have already known since it runs in her family. How do I get her to read Blood Sugar 101 with me? Isn't that pushing her and making her realize something she doesn't want to accept about herself? I don't want to make her feel like there's something wrong with her.

What I don't understand is that she tells me to eat healthy food, like high protein (I have low BMI and trying to gain weight) and cut down the carbs, but she doesn't do it for herself.

 

[eightyeight]

sweets do not cause diabetes... when we became diabetic sweets became a problem.

That's interesting...
But don't sweets cause the insulin resistance and make the person be diabetic in long run?

 

[Roxanne0312]

That's interesting...
But don't sweets cause the insulin resistance and make the person be diabetic in long run?

Nope, I don't eat any sweets and I have insulin resistance like no other. My legs don't hardly work in the am. Insulin resistance is a symptom of Type 2 diabetes and do don't cause it. You would not have it if you didn't have some thing going on.

Non Diabetics seldom go over 85 and some will never develop diabetes regardless of what we eat.

We did not eat ourselves to diabetes. Excess weight is a symptom not a cause.

 

[John.in.France]

I wish I could say that your task is an easy one. But I'd be lying. As Janknitz said and you already appreciate it would be easy to get totally the wrong reaction to your suggestions.

Going back five years I know exactly how your friend feels. Most things are "too much bother". After a meal, you sit down for a quiet read - and fall asleep. And persuading someone to cut back on the sweets (in my case it was dried fruit) is difficult (I'm only having a couple, they won't do me any harm).

Is it conceivable that she would join us here on the forum? Or leave your computer handy for her on Blood Sugar 101

Insulin resistance is something that remains a mystery. Personally I think there's a genetic element to its startup, just as the cause of type 1 is genetic in nature. It's also a bit like a snowball. As your blood sugar climbs because of the resistance, the insulin resistance also increases so sweets that would do nothing significant at a low level of blood sugar, push the figures up a lot when the numbers are already high. But to get the same impact from the sugar high, you now need five sweets where before one was plenty.

Not an easy one - until she decides that action is called for, you will struggle. Sorry

 

[VeeJay]

But don't sweets cause the insulin resistance and make the person be diabetic in long run?

Nope. What Roxanne and John said.

What drives the train is insulin resistance. What causes that??? Million dollar questions, but they have figured that some people are either born with it or it develops in childhood - hence the "husky" kids.

As I explained earlier, because of the insulin resistance, the person's body isn't utilizing enough of the glucose in the bloodstream for energy so they are tired and hungry all the time. Not an easy thing to combat, especially when the "world" says - eat less and be more active and your problems will be solved. This is so definitely not so!

It should be "eat less" carbs and sugar - but that's not what they mean. Most medical professionals tell people, even diabetics, to eat lots of whole grains. Gawd!!!

 

[Shanny]

That's interesting...
But don't sweets cause the insulin resistance and make the person be diabetic in long run?

This is exactly why you should be minding your own business in this area, because YOU don't know the score. As the others have said, even WE don't know, but we know that we didn't cause it ourselves. We did not eat our way into diabetes.

What I know personally so far, is that weight loss and exercise are not the be-all and end-all solutions for high blood sugar. Eliminating carbs from one's meals IS a basic remedy. So if you're willing to start eating LCHF yourself, and cooking LCHF meals for her, that would be my only suggestion, as long as you can keep your mouth shut about what you're doing.

 

[macksvicky]

It's an esteem issue, bringing it up only makes her feel worse, she's got a mirror and knows what size clothes she wears, no need to "rub it in" by making "helpful hints". She will start taking care of herself, or not, but it has to be her decision, she's the one that has to want it.