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They say laughter is the best medicine, so here goes.

"007, you've been our top spy for 40 years and your hair is beginning to turn grey."

"What are you telling me, M -- do you expect me to start wearing a wig?"

"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to dye."

 

[Terrie]

Yes, it sure is Robert. LOL. Thanks for that Funny one.

 

[Terrie]

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."

"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

 

[[email protected]]

A man walked into a bar and heard a voice saying "Goodness, sir, you do look smart tonight." Immediately followed by another saying "No he doesn't, he's fat and ugly."

Baffled, he asked the barman "What on earth was that all about?"

The barman replied "Sorry sir; the peanuts are complimentary but the jukebox is out of order."

 

[Terrie]

Hi Robert...always Nice to see Ya.

LOL I had heard that in the eyes of someone who has had 1 too many at a bar, that the rest of the People supposedly get better-looking.

Thanks for another Funny one Robert. It fits in Well with Diabetes.

 

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Q: How many Pink Floyd fans/members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, I was really drunk at the time.

 

[Terrie]

Geez Robert.... ....crawling away from that one.

 

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Q: How many Pink Floyd fans/members does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: There is no lightbulb really; matter of fact, it's all dark.

Q: How many Wikipedians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: That's original research and hence not allowed.
A: Any of them, but the chances are it will get reverted anyway.
A. Light bulbs are not notable.[citation needed] This topic has been marked for deletion.

 

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Q: How many octopuses/octopi/octopodes (whichever spelling you prefer) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one; many hands make light work.

Q: How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six; one to change the bulb, five to relate to the experience.

Q: How many ******** does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Seven; one to change the bulb, six to beat off the hippies who have come to relate to the experience.

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None; he just gives it to seven ********, thereby reducing the problem to the one which has just been solved.

 

[Terrie]

OMG Robert(holding my head)you're killing me here. I haven't even had time for a coffee yet.

I like the 1st one the best. There were a few occasions through the years that I wished I was a hippie but from the looks of that last riddle I guess I'm more like mathematian material.

 

[Gizmo]

An oldie but a goodie...

The German Wife

A German woman married an American man and they lived happily ever after in Virginia. However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, she clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her leg. The butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken thighs.

Again, she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken, raised her skirt and pointed to her hip. The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken thighs.

The following day, the poor lady needed to buy some sausages.

Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...

(Please scroll down)












What were you thinking?
Her husband speaks English! (Hellooooooo)

Sometimes I worry about you.

 

[JT Reagan]

Good one! Please say you have more?