[BessyBell]

Please excuse this ramble but I feel as though I have to get this off my chest somehow or I will explode.

I’m worried about my dog. He’s an 11 yr. old diabetic basenji. We went through some tough times last year as he lost his diabetic “sister” (and soul mate) then was diagnosed with diabetes himself. He went blind less than a month later and wasn’t adjusting well. We had cataract surgery for him and he eventually ended up losing one eye due to infection. It is barely a year later and he now has a severe fungal infection in his nose. The anti-fungal meds and the infection are making it very difficult for him to eat. I don’t know if he’s getting enough of the medication or the right amounts of insulin and food. It’s enough to make me pull my hair out.

The stress of his condition has caused another stressor…a financial one. Everyone is having a tough time because of the economy. Add that factor to an already stressed budget, no cost of living increases in salary for nearly five years, and over $5000 in vet bills over the last year. In addition, I’ve had two surgeries in the past two months and was also diagnosed with diabetes. Our washing machine died and taxes are due. And it’s the holiday season…how do I buy gifts? My dog’s anti-fungal medication was originally priced at well over $10 a pill ($300 a month, and he’ll need to be on this med for several months) but luckily we found an online discount drug card that saved us more than 60%.

I applied for a part-time holiday retail job. My interview is scheduled for December 10. I don’t know how long holiday retail jobs last, but I’m thinking it’s only a few weeks. That’s fine, at least for a few weeks, I can earn a little extra cash.

I can’t tell anyone about my diabetes…for a lot of reasons. My mother is struggling with the disease herself and has other mental issues to boot. I really can’t handle her disappointment in me. Yes, we both have type 2 and while I understand that there are other factors at work here, the bottom line is we didn’t eat and exercise for our health and ended up making a “bad” situation worse and “uncontrollable”. And there are so many changes we have to make to make things controllable. It’s a lot to swallow (no pun intended).

Anyway, I don’t tell most of my friends about the diabetes for much the same reason. I am ashamed. That’s my issue and I need to do what I can to get this beast under control and I’m trying but I’m struggling.

I’ve been trying to exercise more but it’s inconsistent. I’ve been trying to eat better but it is also inconsistent. My life feels like one big inconsistent and unpredictable MESS!

My husband is my best friend and I am so thankful to have him…but there are limits to his understanding, you know? There are limits to how he can help. He feels inadequate sometimes and I am simply running out of energy to keep encouraging him.

Just a few minutes ago he rambled incessantly about the class he is taking. I'm proud of him being selected for this class, but it does not interest me and is the last thing I have time to worry about. I just wanted him to shut up. I nearly screamed for him to STOP! My mind won't stop...

So, health issues for me and my dog, financial issues that feel like they have no end. I’m overwhelmed at home and at work and it feels like I’m fighting a losing battle. It’s not a matter of IF I drown/fail…it’s a matter of when.

Oh God…that’s depressing. I don’t want to be depressing. I want to be happy. I just don’t know how to get there. I can do it if I just ignore everything else, but eventually I can't won’t be able to ignore it anymore and then the stress starts all over again.

 

[Talon]

Let me say I'm no guru here I ended up here for support myself. And have learned a few things here to help me deal with type 2. There are many more knowledgeable experts here than little kernel of Dr Phil....

So please forgive me, I feel compelled to post to you...


FWIW..
Bessie you need to sort yourself out, before you really derail yourself. Step back and take tally of the good you have and the bumps in the road you need to deal with.

#1 Your marriage /husband is your best friend and your rock. Don't cast that into the sea. Energize from him,and most importantly TALK with him daily.

#2 Your a grown woman, cut the esteem string from your mother. Stop living your life through her eys. Love her yes, but her issues are just that hers.

#3 I'm an animal lover myself, and I have many heart warming stories about my Rotts. One that gave his life for me. Your Basenji has lived 11 years with you. I mean you no mental shock/trauma but maybe its time to re-think your approach. From extending life to making his life comfortable until his time.

#4 Your medication/health is much more important, to your family. Your money needs for insulin etc. needs to be spent here.

#5 Telling others about your diabetes is your choice, and probably a good strategy to remain employable. However those close to you need to know how to responde to you if you start going into crisis. You needs to carry a emergency kit with you, glucose tabs, insulin,BG meter.

#6 In keeping with your Operational Security choice(#5) then you need to stick to a diet, walk daily work up to a mile at first carry a big walking stick. (great for balance) and follow Drs orders. Get a knew Dr. if you need to Endocrinologist. Exercise will fight depression.

#7 As for fighting the battle.. Remember this It's not the size of the Dog in the fight that counts, It's the size of the fight IN the dog...

#8 For extra money. Think selling on EBAY be it knick Knacks or specialty item. With a little bit of organization and creative thinking it can produce some income.

 

[Strawberry]

BessyBell ~

Talon has given good advice IMHO. One thing I would like to emphasize is: you have done nothing to be ashamed of by having a diagnosis of Diabetes! No one really wants to have diabetes and Yes, many of us could have made better choices. You did nothing to deserve this disease.

I'm sorry about your dog. I lost my pet this year due to cancer. She was suffering so much that my vet said it was time to let her go to the Rainbow Bridge.

Feel free to vent here. The people understand because most of us have "been there and done that".

 

[foxl]

It seems like six sorts of frustrating stuff have hit you all at once!!!

Yes, ending a pet's life is a very hard decision to make, I have made it many times and probably will have to in the next year again. And the anxiety of making the right choice is hard -- and it is interacting with your diabetes stress and your husband ... urgh.

Hoping the vent helped and that things resolve and become clearer for you soon. Keep us posted.

 

[Shanny]

Talon makes many good points - I hope you'll be able to consider his suggestions.

So many of us here have suffered the same trials as you - our pets have become aged & ill; we can't bear to lose them. But the humane solution is to keep them comfortable in their old age, and let them go when their quality of life deteriorates, however much it hurts.

We've had several expensive repairs/replacements this year too - and it isn't over yet. Our washer died too, as did our septic system. We had to have a survey of the property (got these first three paid off) & are now awaiting the bill from the land lawyer.

We have long since stopped gifting at Christmas because the money is simply not there. We are retired, and there's no independent source of income, so funds that aren't there and aren't going to BE there, cannot be spent. Charging is out of the question - there will be no new money to pay off any charges and/or the interest fees.

One thing at a time is the only way to get there. Protect the marriage. When your husband needs to be heard, listen to him - just as you want him to listen to you when you need to be heard. Regardless of the subject, treat him with the love, admiration and respect he deserves, just as you wish to be loved, admired & respected.

Protect your own autonomy - as Tal says, cut the apron strings. Consider only your own & your husband's well-being and disregard what others (even mothers!) think.

One foot in front of the other; one day/hour/minute at a time; don't give in, and don't give up.

 

[tony0611]

Bessybell,
There's no easy reply to your post. I know that it's not very good at the moment but things can only get better.
There are a lot of things going in your life. Taking more stress is only going to make things worse.

The best approach is to take them one by one.

Pets are part of the family. I know it's tough having to take tough decisions. I've had pets all my life. One of them died in my arms. It's painful. You need to decide whether you need to make him comfortable till his time comes or continue with the treatment

But you need to care about yourself first. Thats the most important thing. You have a loving husband who sounds so nice. Every normal person can get frustrated time to time. It's normal. It's difficult to show your love to your husband especially when so many things are on your head. But your marriage seems to be the best thing in your life at the moment. Use that to your advantage. Diabetes does not rule your life and it does not define who you are. Diabetes can be managed. The entire forum is evidence of that. You can do it too. Your Diabetes management will get better with time

I think one of the best ways (which works for me) to release yourself from stress is by taking a walk along with people you love. Have you tried to go out for a walk with your husband after dinner at night ? The light stroll, cool breeze and no worries is a real stress buster plus it doubles up as exercise. Just try that and don't think about anything else for those 30 minutes

You can choose not to tell people. But people will judge you by how you manage diabetes and not because of the fact that you have diabetes.

I may not be very helpful but I don't want you to give up. I am rooting for you. Things will only get better from here.

 

[Rita]

I don't really have anything new to add that the others have not already said. I have pets and love them dearly. They are really part of the family. But just as we would not want a family member to go on suffering, maybe it is time to think about letting go. I understand your pain, but it it something to seriously consider.

I also struggled with whether or not to tell people I have diabetes. I finally got the courage to tell a few of my friends and found them to be very supportive. There is absolutely no reason to feel ashamed. You did nothing to give yourself this disease. Would you feel ashamed if you had cancer? They are both diseases that just happen.

As far as your husband, he sounds pretty great. I have the same feelings sometimes when my husband goes on about something I am totally not interested in, but I pretend I am. I know he does the same for me. We can't let our worries ruin a loving relatiionship with a spouse. We need their support and sometimes they need ours.

I struggle daily with trying to eat right. My sugars run higher than they should most of the time. All we can do is take it day by day. I spend a lot of time looking for good recipes.

Good luck with you and I hope venting made you feel better.

Rita

 

[anuradha.m]

We all have our crosses to bear at times, but you have nothing to be ashamed of! You hav been adviced very well, please dont lose your confidence. When you really feed sad spend some with a loved one, or some kids around you. Kids have this amazing quality to to revive us at times, same goes with flowers. I feel fresh at a flower shop, I th;ink the riot of colors and arrangements play the game with our mindsetup and one has to brighten up. Move away from the problem and try to see it from different angles will sometimes give us a better idea of the situation. Have a strong coffee or cheat once in a while with chocolatel(I am doing it right ;now..my elbow bursitis is back with a bang and I am in sheer agony. I cannot afford any more medical bills right now, as by husband is at a new job, we have paid for our relocation from inurance already). So cheer up, take stock and communicate more. May be you will find ppl with worse situations sometimes, try to sympathize sometimes and you will definitely feel better...bestwishes!

 

[naynay]

BessyBell...first let me start with giving you a great big hug :hug:

Everyone has posted such wonderful advice, there really isn't much more that I can offer, other than friendship and support. I know what it is like to feel like the world is crashing down upon you, but you just keep your head high and chin up. You must not allow diabetes to rule your life; you can have control over it. Sometimes it fights mighty hard against you, but if you are diligent with your care, you will win. Sometimes when I feel like I am stuck in a rut, or the diabetes thing seems to be gaining control, or life just sucks at the moment, I take a break away from reality and do whatever feels right at that time. Sometimes it is just sitting quietly and meditating, sometimes I take a relaxing shower or bath and pamper myself, or sometimes I close my bedroom door and lay on the bed and cry. Sometimes I kneel beside my bed (or wherever I happen to be at the moment) and I pray. Whatever you need at that moment to make you feel better is what you do.
As far as the pet situation; I too have two very loving dogs (Tinker and Belle) who are like my toddlers in the house. They are litter mates (sisters) as well and I know once one of them goes, the other will not be far behind. They have never been apart. I love my pets as do most here on the forum, however is it right for you to be spending all the money you are to keep this loving pet alive? 11 years is a long time for a dog, and realistically a nice long life. Not to say you should just let your beloved pet suffer and die; that is not what I am intending to say. But, to some degree you do need to allow nature to take its course. It hurts to let go, but enjoy the time you have left with your pet, and when the time comes, know that you gave that dog the most love it could have found in this world. And, keep in your heart the love that dear puppy gave you as well.
With the holiday's quickly approaching, the buying and giving of gifts can be a stressful time for those who do not have the funds available for items other than necessities. However, a gift does not always have to be a monetary type gift. You can give of yourself; your time, your friendship, your love. Perhaps make a date to visit with friends and just enjoy a day with each other. Perhaps you could help out an elderly person in your family or neighborhood who could use a bit of help around their home or picking up some groceries. You could also do homemade gifts, which it does cost to buy the items to make the gifts, but you can get the most bang for your buck in making cookies, candy, or other treats to box up and give.
And, as far as the husband goes, just love him and be happy for him when he is looking for enthusiasm from his spouse. You are the person he wants to share his excitement with, and although you may not care about the class he is taking, just smile and tell him how proud you are of him. Let him know that you are happy because he is happy. Try to share your feelings regarding your diabetes with him as well. Don't get too technical because people who are not a diabetic sometimes do not get it. Just let him know that you are trying to improve your life and health and would appreciate his support as well.
We have all made bad choices in our eating. That is not the reason you are diabetic. You know now that you made bad choices, but this is your chance to make good choices and turn this thing around. It just takes time, effort, and patience. We are all here to cheer you on and offer support and advice.
Good Luck and keep us posted. We are all in this together.

 

[BessyBell]

I just want to say thank you all for you kind words, your encouragement, and your ideas.

It's been a rough couple of weeks culminating in the loss of my beloved dog, Buddy. He passed away yesterday around 12:30 pm. We are devastated.

Needless to say, diabetes was the furthest thing from my mind over the past few days.

I do have a job interview on Saturday.

My husband and I (and our now 'only' dog Daisy) will begin to heal our hearts and get our lives back to normal. Maybe in a few weeks I'll care about diabetes. But right now I just don't.