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I hope I'm doing this correctly - I didn't know whether to click on "Thread" or "Thread Starter". I have so much to learn yet.

Anyway, what I wanted to post is that I hate myself. My sugar this morning was great - but then during the day I messed up AGAIN. Eating things I shouldn't. I don't want to die or suffer consequences, but I can't seem to stop myself. I've cheated for a very long time and sometimes my sugar is in the 400's & 500's (I know I've told you all that before). Today it was nowhere near that but still, it was over 250. Now I'm very depressed (I'm prone to depression anyway).

What I'd like to ask is has anyone here been as bad as me at any point in their diabetic life? (I'm Type II.) I think I'm probably the WORST of anyone.

This is what's so hard for me - I've had the diabetic thirst (rarely) and even developed diabetic lens osmosis (blurred vision) one time. However, when my sugar is sky-high I rarely get any symptoms whatsoever and feel just fine. Because of this, I guess I tend to believe everything is okay, but I know it most certainly is not. Am I scared? YES. What is wrong with me? Can anyone here identify with my situation?

I absolutely detest myself right now.
 
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(((Rosa))).... I'm hearing ya, but you know what to do... all you can do is pick yourself back up and keep on doing what you know to do. We are all bound to make mistakes every now and then. Some people may have stronger willpower than others... but I'm still of the opinion that this doesn't mean they don't make mistakes. You just need to try and stick to your plan. If you do eat something you shouldn't, then you just don't have something else that you planned to eat to try and level your BGLs out. This disease can be stressful enough, you don't need to beat yourself up when you make a mistake. I sure know I've made mistakes over the years... but life goes on and I get back up and try again. Hopefully you learn from what you've done and try and think of a way around it. Maybe a professional can help you? eg. if it's emotional eating or anything like that.
 

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I totally agree...I've been a diabetic for 26 years and I've only just started getting myself together...we are all human and we all make mistakes...the important thing is every morning forgive yourself...start again...there is no place for guilt or blame...It's damn hard sometimes...but the more balanced you can get your BSL the more your brain works properly...that helps heaps with the depression...you can't problem solve when your BSL is out of whack...that exacerbates depression... *hugs* it helps having people who know how you feel...
 
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Rosa, please don't beat yourself up - easy to say, I know. Focus on the progress you =have= made. As you said, you brought your bs down about 200 points - that's great!

I agree that the fact you don't have symptoms makes it harder. I have felt blessed that I got so sick because it's the wind at my back. Never want to be that sick again. Also, the metformin and low-carb diet have conspired to take away my hunger and cravings, so I can't take credit for exercising great will power.

Cravings and ravenous hunger are tough to beat down, like trying to hold back a sneeze. How many carbs are you eating? You haven't been low-carb very long, and I don't think long enough to make a serious dent in hunger and cravings. Personally, I would go very low carb at this point, and take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute if I had to. I really do believe you'd see a big change in cravings, and then will power can come into play if that makes sense.

Once you get your numbers down, then you can experiment with what carbs you can reintroduce and how many. Shift your focus to prowling the recipe section and making tasty things. There are links to great low-carb sites as well.

Hang in there - we're with you!
 

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Remember that sugar is poison. No need to eat it.
 

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It takes time to change our relationship with food.

Your commitment is new. From here, it looks like you're making progress.

Like Moon, I got kicked in the butt by diabetes before I even knew I had it. Since I have not one speck of willpower in my being, that kick was a blessing. Without it, the past 2 months would have been one long cheat-fest, I guarantee. Even so, I still make mistakes.

D33na is right about depression easing up with better numbers. It may not go completely ...poof!... But the fog does lift.

The fact that you are here proves you have what it takes.

Rosa, you have my deep respect for the progress you are making! :hug:
 
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Rosa, could you share what you ate that did you in? Maybe one or more of us could help you find alternatives that you might like that would treat you kindly.

I agree that going low carb, like 20 a day for a week or two would give you a real boost. Do you keep low carb snacks around to eat when you feel the urge to cheat? It is amazing what ketosis does to lower you appetite and depression!

Keep up the good work and you'll get there...just dust off your bottom and get up and commit to working hard on it and take it day by day or minute by minute and you'll lose that sense of shame and gain some feelings of pride!

Good luck,
 

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Rosa, I think most diabetics have been where you are. We don't get very good advice from our doctors and dieticians about what food is bad for bgs. Many times they give us high carb diets that actually sabbotage our bgs. I followed their advice for about 3 months and couldn't get bgs down and my cravings were worse than ever. The more carbs you eat the more carbs you will want. It is a chemical reaction that goes off in the brain when you eat carbs. I like to compare it to smoking, drinking or drugs. You have to make the decision to ban most carbs from your diet. I don't consider this a diet but a new Way of Eating for the rest of my life. I eat very well, I just don't eat things like cereal, fruit, pasta, bread or rice. Pretty much everything else I can eat. We had a BBQ last night and I ate burgers and hot dogs, just no roll. I had roasted squash and asparagus and a big Caesar Salad. For dessert I had a Carb Smart Ice Cream Bar. So I was very full and satisfied.
 
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Discussion Starter #9
Reply to onlymep

(((Rosa))).... I'm hearing ya, but you know what to do... all you can do is pick yourself back up and keep on doing what you know to do. We are all bound to make mistakes every now and then. Some people may have stronger willpower than others... but I'm still of the opinion that this doesn't mean they don't make mistakes. You just need to try and stick to your plan. If you do eat something you shouldn't, then you just don't have something else that you planned to eat to try and level your BGLs out. This disease can be stressful enough, you don't need to beat yourself up when you make a mistake. I sure know I've made mistakes over the years... but life goes on and I get back up and try again. Hopefully you learn from what you've done and try and think of a way around it. Maybe a professional can help you? eg. if it's emotional eating or anything like that.
Hi, thanks for your reply. Turns out I made a huge mistake when I posted that Mad at Myself message - my sugar, although high at one point yesterday afternoon, was only slightly high when I tested after I'd typed that message here, so I felt greatly relieved. I do think, as you suggested, that I may have an "emotional eating" problem. It's really ironic, as I weighed only 89 lbs. til I was 20! Got made fun of in school for being so skinny. I used to cry over it. I guess that's why I'm not sensitive about being heavy now.

We're making hamburgers on the grill today. I'll eat probably 2, minus the bread. Plus a veggie. That's one thing I have going for me - I like nearly all vegetables.

I hope you have a great day. We're doing nothing - my favorite sport!
 

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Discussion Starter #10
D33na

I totally agree...I've been a diabetic for 26 years and I've only just started getting myself together...we are all human and we all make mistakes...the important thing is every morning forgive yourself...start again...there is no place for guilt or blame...It's damn hard sometimes...but the more balanced you can get your BSL the more your brain works properly...that helps heaps with the depression...you can't problem solve when your BSL is out of whack...that exacerbates depression... *hugs* it helps having people who know how you feel...
Your post really uplifted me. I guess I'm not the only "naughty diabetes" person here. When I'm depressed, which is fairly often, I tend to give up and that's my downfall. I'd gladly go to a therapist ( actually have one but haven't been to him in a long time) but with all the therapists I've been to over the years, none of them have made any impact at all on me. Perhaps I'm what they call a treatment failure. I'm willing to take the blame. My son is a psychologist but they don't treat family or friends. (How I ever produced a psychologist is beyond me and just last Oct. he married a psychologist.)

I love this forum. I'd joined a long time ago but forgot about it. Thanks for sharing your story. It helps so much to know I'm not alone. You and so many others here are wonderfully kind and helpful; I don't think I've ever met a kinder group of people. Love and peace to you all!
 

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To Patdart et al

Rosa, could you share what you ate that did you in? Maybe one or more of us could help you find alternatives that you might like that would treat you kindly.

I agree that going low carb, like 20 a day for a week or two would give you a real boost. Do you keep low carb snacks around to eat when you feel the urge to cheat? It is amazing what ketosis does to lower you appetite and depression!

Keep up the good work and you'll get there...just dust off your bottom and get up and commit to working hard on it and take it day by day or minute by minute and you'll lose that sense of shame and gain some feelings of pride!

Good luck,
Hi there! What did me in was one of my favorite meals - ravioli. Pasta will be the hardest thing for me to give up - and I make a terrific spaghetti sauce!

Could you please give me some examples of low carb snacks? So far I haven't been counting carbs and I have no idea how many carbs per day I'm permitted. For instance, what foods contain "good" carbs? Also, what is ketosis?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if they found a cure for diabetes? I'd run to the store and buy a chocolate cake and dive right into it! I don't have trouble avoiding ice cream or candy, though I like just about anything milk chocolate, it's cake that is my favorite. Heck, who am I kidding - if you put sawdust around chocolate chips, I'd probably eat it :)

I'm going to get a box of Carb Smart ice cream bars later. I've had them before. They're delicious and don't raise my sugar.

Happy holiday - happy everyday!
 

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It's music to my ears to know that you like most veggies, Rosa. If you like a little change-up now & then, you can always dress them up with a cream sauce (using real cream ;)), a cheese sauce or even hollandaise (with real butter & eggs! heheh!)

The zero & low-carb snacks that I keep close by are beef sticks, cheese sticks, cheese crisps, raw almonds & other nuts. To keep in the fridge I make deviled eggs & hot wings, and I buy the little tubs of sugar-free Jello gelatin. If I want to dress up the Jello, I whip some real cream with sweetener. Could I tempt you away from your chocolate cake with this carrot cake? http://www.diabetesforum.com/diabet...-low-carb-make-very-low-carb-2.html#post32015 It's drop-dead DELICIOUS! You can pile on the cream cheese frosting since it's sweetened with artificial sweetener & the full-fat cream cheese is GOOD for us diabetics!

My ace-in-the-hole for eating low-carb is using real fats. You will find you're losing weight eating low-carb/high-fat, and you'll be so satisfied with your meals.

Don't be so quick to blame yourself. It seems like you've spent your life being wrong/bad/naughty for a lot of things that are out of your control. None of this makes you a bad person - NONE of it! I think you must be a dear sweet WONDERFUL person, and furthermore, I'll bet you're a helluva cook! :D We'll help you find a detour around the pasta problem, but for many of your recipes, I'll bet they can be adjusted to be low carb & all the better for it.

Hang on - don't let go. We're here for you because we know exactly how you feel - we've been there ourselves. :hug:
 

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I eat a lot of homemade spaghetti sauce and use it for all sorts of things like pizza on cauliflower crust of course, sauce on spaghetti squash noodles, but one of my favorite ways is like chili with parmesan cheese on top (no noodles). Check out our recipe section for other ideas.

Ketosis is when your body learns to burn fat for energy rather than carbs. It takes a few days of low carbing to get into it, and you may not feel as full of energy til you get there, but then weight and appetite drop off pretty easily.

I like pork skins for snacks in addition to Shanny's ideas. Cheese is a favorite also as long as it is full fat cheese...or mozzarella sticks if I'm on the road and they aren't sold around here in full fat, if they are even made that way and I think not, but maybe someone else knows. A T. of coconut oil tastes okay and sure can delay hunger too.
 

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I hope I'm doing this correctly - I didn't know whether to click on "Thread" or "Thread Starter". I have so much to learn yet.

Anyway, what I wanted to post is that I hate myself. My sugar this morning was great - but then during the day I messed up AGAIN. Eating things I shouldn't. I don't want to die or suffer consequences, but I can't seem to stop myself. I've cheated for a very long time and sometimes my sugar is in the 400's & 500's (I know I've told you all that before). Today it was nowhere near that but still, it was over 250. Now I'm very depressed (I'm prone to depression anyway).

What I'd like to ask is has anyone here been as bad as me at any point in their diabetic life? (I'm Type II.) I think I'm probably the WORST of anyone.

This is what's so hard for me - I've had the diabetic thirst (rarely) and even developed diabetic lens osmosis (blurred vision) one time. However, when my sugar is sky-high I rarely get any symptoms whatsoever and feel just fine. Because of this, I guess I tend to believe everything is okay, but I know it most certainly is not. Am I scared? YES. What is wrong with me? Can anyone here identify with my situation?

I absolutely detest myself right now.
Rosa, what you NEED is that fear. You have to ALWAYS be terrified that something bad will happen if you put that tasty whatever in your mouth. You can't ever stop to think 'Oh, this one thing will be okay'. Once you allow yourself to think that, you are dooming yourself. I say this as a person who has battled major carb addiction and now see my diabetes as my lifesaver. You have to LOVE yourself enough to think 'Is this cinnamon bun or whatever REALLY going to make me happy?' If blurred vision or tingling feet make you happy, then go ahead and eat it. But if those things make you want to cry and hate yourself, the answer is very clear - NO, it NOT going to make you happy. Eating low carb is not the end of the world. What you really need to do is sit down with yourself and ask yourself WHY the foods you love are more important to you than staying healthy. There HAS to be a reason for it and you have to find out what it is. Some people, there are strong enough to just never even think about eating something bad for them ever again. You and I, we're not like that, so we NEED to have that fear. When you see that tasty item, take a long look at it and remember what it's like to not be able to see, and imagine going to the doctor and having him say, 'I'm sorry, but we need to amputate'. Those are not pleasant thoughts, but if that's what it takes to keep you alive, you HAVE to think them! :)
 

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Rosa, I think most diabetics have been where you are. We don't get very good advice from our doctors and dieticians about what food is bad for bgs. Many times they give us high carb diets that actually sabbotage our bgs. I followed their advice for about 3 months and couldn't get bgs down and my cravings were worse than ever. The more carbs you eat the more carbs you will want. It is a chemical reaction that goes off in the brain when you eat carbs. I like to compare it to smoking, drinking or drugs. You have to make the decision to ban most carbs from your diet. I don't consider this a diet but a new Way of Eating for the rest of my life. I eat very well, I just don't eat things like cereal, fruit, pasta, bread or rice. Pretty much everything else I can eat. We had a BBQ last night and I ate burgers and hot dogs, just no roll. I had roasted squash and asparagus and a big Caesar Salad. For dessert I had a Carb Smart Ice Cream Bar. So I was very full and satisfied.
Absolutely agree with you, Jwags! Before my dx, when I was carbing out like crazy, I would always wonder why, after all this pizza and soda and whatnot for dinner, why was I STILL so dang hungry??? It took getting diabetes to understand that carbs lead to more carb-CRAVING. I still have some pangs now and then on the low-carb diet (mostly I think out of boredom of the diet) but jeezaloo, nothing at ALL like it was before because now I'm not eating empty nutrition. :)
 

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Hi there! What did me in was one of my favorite meals - ravioli. Pasta will be the hardest thing for me to give up - and I make a terrific spaghetti sauce!

Could you please give me some examples of low carb snacks? So far I haven't been counting carbs and I have no idea how many carbs per day I'm permitted. For instance, what foods contain "good" carbs? Also, what is ketosis?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if they found a cure for diabetes? I'd run to the store and buy a chocolate cake and dive right into it! I don't have trouble avoiding ice cream or candy, though I like just about anything milk chocolate, it's cake that is my favorite. Heck, who am I kidding - if you put sawdust around chocolate chips, I'd probably eat it :)

I'm going to get a box of Carb Smart ice cream bars later. I've had them before. They're delicious and don't raise my sugar.

Happy holiday - happy everyday!

Rosa, here's what I snack on: Emerald nuts (they come in convenient little packs in a box), string cheese, celery w/ cream cheese, Jello sugar-free puddings made w/ cream instead of milk, sugar-free jello, homemade cheesecake and pumpkin pie (just the filling in a dessert cup, not the crust), turkey slices, chicken strips, Atkins mocha latte shakes (REALLY takes the edge off chocolate cravings) and the great thing is all this is very low-carb or no-carb, so I'm not left with cravings and it holds me over till dinner. In fact, I have found that if I eat a full breakfast (eggs, bacon or sausage, maybe an Atkins shake or a pudding) that will tide me over and I won't even need a full lunch, just a snacky-poo, and even after that, I tend to not be hungry for dinner until about 8pm.

What you need to do is look for recipes you can make yourself, because if you're depending on grocery stores to help you go low-carb, fuhgeddaboudit. I asked the manager of my grocery store last week if there was a low carb aisle, and he literally said, 'What's that?' They aren't going to get it until the entire country is Type 2 and can't buy their junk food anymore.

I don't know much about Carb Smart, because I haven't seen it since the original Atkins craze of the 90's, but watch the carb content. Honestly, you should be only doing 20-25 carbs PER DAY, not PER MEAL or SNACK. :)
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I eat a lot of homemade spaghetti sauce and use it for all sorts of things like pizza on cauliflower crust of course, sauce on spaghetti squash noodles, but one of my favorite ways is like chili with parmesan cheese on top (no noodles). Check out our recipe section for other ideas.

Ketosis is when your body learns to burn fat for energy rather than carbs. It takes a few days of low carbing to get into it, and you may not feel as full of energy til you get there, but then weight and appetite drop off pretty easily.

I like pork skins for snacks in addition to Shanny's ideas. Cheese is a favorite also as long as it is full fat cheese...or mozzarella sticks if I'm on the road and they aren't sold around here in full fat, if they are even made that way and I think not, but maybe someone else knows. A T. of coconut oil tastes okay and sure can delay hunger too.
I never thought of spaghetti squash noodles w/sauce - that's something I could go for. Thanks for explaining ketosis for me. I had a decent supper of sweet sausage, green peppers, onions and tomato sauce - I think all those things are okay for me and it was delicious. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow and will make sure I do NOT buy anything that I shouldn't have. The best way for me to help myself is not to have forbidden foods in my house. Oh, this is such a pain. But this forum is my incentive. All of you know exactly what I'm going through and it's comforting to me to have your support. Talk to you soon :)
 

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Also, tomorrow, I'm going to try my hand at making my own low-carb Tom Kah Gai soup. If I can make it anywhere near as close to the original, I will keep it in my fridge forever to snack on.

Now, if only I can figure out how to make my own whipped cream, I'll be set for life.....:D
 

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Let me help you out here! :D I was going to explain in my own words, but About.com does it so much better & even shows a picture! ;)

Homemade Whipped Cream Recipe - How to Whip Cream - How To Make Whipped Cream

I always put the bowl & beaters in the freezer for awhile before whipping - it helps to have everything super cold.
You know what, Shanny, I tried it before with everything cold and after something like 10 minutes of beating the cream, all I got was just cream with bubbles - it didn't actual result in a "whip", just liquid. I wonder where I went wrong...:confused:
 
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