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My sister in law was dx with lung cancer in May, she has gone through three chemo rounds and the tumor shrank. Last week she went for her checkup and the tumor is growing again and it's spread to her lymph nodes. She starts another round of chemo tomorrow. Shaun spoke to his other sister over the weekend and she made it sound so grim (which it is) and then he talked to the sick sister and she made him feel better by telling him its not all that bad. Tonight his Dad called and that's when we found out about the cancer spreading.

I know how this is going to go, it's not my first trip down the cancer road. This is his first. He has no idea what's ahead and he doesn't want to know. He was visibly upset after talking to his Dad, and I talked to him a bit after, I told him he does need to know and that she really should be telling him the good bad and ugly herself, it's the only way to prepare for what's ahead. I don't want him to hurt and I know he is and it just sucks. I know she is just trying to protect her 'little brother' but it hurts more finding out the bad news from a third party.

She has enough to worry about so I don't really want to talk to her about this, but somehow we have to figure out a way of getting the information properly communicated so my husband doesn't keep getting blindsided. It's so sad and I just feel so helpless, I want it to all be okay and for no one to hurt. I try to stay objective, but its so hard when it's people you love. I need to stay strong for Shaun and his family. I hate this.....
 

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pray to GOD for an answer on how to handle talking to your husband and pray for his sister if she doesnt mind send me her name in a private mail and i will put her name on our prayer chain at our church we are first baptist church tillmans corner alabama or just send me her intials
 

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I hate this too. I hope you can be strong and help your husband cope with the ups and downs. Seems like chemo always maintains hope, for good or for bad. You are in my thoughts.
 

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In my experience, every family has its own way of communicating, and it's nearly undecipherable to an outsider. And, unfortunately, an in-law is an outsider ... and always will be ... no matter how long s/he has been married into a family. Moreover, a family in crisis falls relies on its old, trusted way of communicating and cannot change at that time. So, my unsolicited advice to you is not to expect much.

That said, you may still be able to help your husband. In my family of origin, I'm the information-gatherer and -sharer. Which means that, if something is wrong with my sister, it's my job to tell my brother, not hers. Same in reverse if it's he who is sick or in trouble. To keep your husband from being blindsided, you may be able to help him figure out who has the information he needs (father? other sister?) and to get it from that person. Just know that it won't necessarily be from the sister with C.

My heart goes out to you. I'll be holding your sister-in-law, your husband, and your entire extended family in the light.
 
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Be strong for your husband, and try not to be the barer of bad news to him.
 

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That's rough, been down that C road a few times. Just try to keep strong and not loose hope before you have to. Please know that those days that you need a shoulder, there are plenty of them here! :grouphug:
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Thank you everyone. It's going to be a long road and I will do the best I can to help them through this. Very happy to have you kind people on my side :love:
 
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