I just called in a prescription for more Novo pens. It was difficult. Why? I mean besides the cost ... I began thinking, always dangerous.
Well ... my personal attitude, but also societal attitudes and representations of D, and even other diabetics' attitudes. I felt like a bit of a failure ... why?
First of all, we are told we are SUPPOSED TO manage Pre-D with exercise, diet and thus weight loss. I never even had a Pre-D diagnosis. I was dxd in DKA, not like the odds were good that I could "reverse" anything. I clearly had lost some beta cells, through whatever process. Although there is one Paleo blogger I used to follow who claims he has reversed D. He dumped me as a FB friend because I took issue with his truly dogged insistence on emphasizing MEAT all the time. So I quit following him.
So there is another thing: I am a vegetarian ... Maybe I should eat meat? I do think about it: after all, I do eat up to 60 g carb per day. But no: I am a committed vegetarian.
My A1c was good, heck, GREAT, at first ... but over the past two years, it has gradually worsened, despite lowering my carb intake, and maintaining my weight stability. My A1c deteriorated, mildly, despite low-carbing and a meticulous food diary, and exercising, which were all supposed to help.
And I read posts by people who by lowering their carbs and losing weight, are able to add back fruit, and even sugar, without spiking. Not I. I scan ingredient lists for maltodextrin!
Then, we get this message (mostly from the press, really) that this epidemic is all due to overeating and laziness, hence our own faults, and this epidemic is destroying our country, blah blah, wrecking the insurance industry.
Then the people who sell us those highly varied, and often-combined oral meds tell us, why, we might be able to go for YEARS without "having to" use insulin, if we just ask our doctor if their pills are right for us.
Then you add to that, I thought -- and researched -- so hard about my diagnosis and other conditions, worked hard to get tested for GAD antibodies, got the testing, and then got told by one Endo, "You are a Type 2 with antibodies," and by another, "Well you still look like a Type 2, to me."
I never denied that I am mildly overweight (and had been worse before), or that I might still have insulin resistance. In fact, I have stayed on the maximum dose of metformin, a maximum dose of statin, and ramipril, prescribed when I was presumed Type 2. But I feel I am still being perceived as 1) denying I am a T2 (by medical professionals, and some Type 1's) 2) denying I have responsibility for my condition (by society in general) 3) I was even accused of being an "elitist" in setting myself apart and saying I need insulin assistance (by a Type 2!).
Despite all this, I did have the audacity to continue in my insistance upon preventive / protective use of insulin.
So now, 26 mos out from diagnosis, I find myself using basal plus bolus.
Am I a failure? NO! I am getting my way. Only ... my way, my effort, does not seem to be slowing progression of my D.
But after all that research, and thinking, and testing, and eating and testing .... I STILL do not have a clue, what really, really went wrong, inside my body. Maybe that is what bugs me -- no real answers, just clinical, empirical treatment.
I am not despondent over this, just mulling my own attitudes, influences on them ...
Well ... my personal attitude, but also societal attitudes and representations of D, and even other diabetics' attitudes. I felt like a bit of a failure ... why?
First of all, we are told we are SUPPOSED TO manage Pre-D with exercise, diet and thus weight loss. I never even had a Pre-D diagnosis. I was dxd in DKA, not like the odds were good that I could "reverse" anything. I clearly had lost some beta cells, through whatever process. Although there is one Paleo blogger I used to follow who claims he has reversed D. He dumped me as a FB friend because I took issue with his truly dogged insistence on emphasizing MEAT all the time. So I quit following him.
So there is another thing: I am a vegetarian ... Maybe I should eat meat? I do think about it: after all, I do eat up to 60 g carb per day. But no: I am a committed vegetarian.
My A1c was good, heck, GREAT, at first ... but over the past two years, it has gradually worsened, despite lowering my carb intake, and maintaining my weight stability. My A1c deteriorated, mildly, despite low-carbing and a meticulous food diary, and exercising, which were all supposed to help.
And I read posts by people who by lowering their carbs and losing weight, are able to add back fruit, and even sugar, without spiking. Not I. I scan ingredient lists for maltodextrin!
Then, we get this message (mostly from the press, really) that this epidemic is all due to overeating and laziness, hence our own faults, and this epidemic is destroying our country, blah blah, wrecking the insurance industry.
Then the people who sell us those highly varied, and often-combined oral meds tell us, why, we might be able to go for YEARS without "having to" use insulin, if we just ask our doctor if their pills are right for us.
Then you add to that, I thought -- and researched -- so hard about my diagnosis and other conditions, worked hard to get tested for GAD antibodies, got the testing, and then got told by one Endo, "You are a Type 2 with antibodies," and by another, "Well you still look like a Type 2, to me."
I never denied that I am mildly overweight (and had been worse before), or that I might still have insulin resistance. In fact, I have stayed on the maximum dose of metformin, a maximum dose of statin, and ramipril, prescribed when I was presumed Type 2. But I feel I am still being perceived as 1) denying I am a T2 (by medical professionals, and some Type 1's) 2) denying I have responsibility for my condition (by society in general) 3) I was even accused of being an "elitist" in setting myself apart and saying I need insulin assistance (by a Type 2!).
Despite all this, I did have the audacity to continue in my insistance upon preventive / protective use of insulin.
So now, 26 mos out from diagnosis, I find myself using basal plus bolus.
Am I a failure? NO! I am getting my way. Only ... my way, my effort, does not seem to be slowing progression of my D.
But after all that research, and thinking, and testing, and eating and testing .... I STILL do not have a clue, what really, really went wrong, inside my body. Maybe that is what bugs me -- no real answers, just clinical, empirical treatment.
I am not despondent over this, just mulling my own attitudes, influences on them ...
it's not your fault! Blame your body, blame your organs but don't blame yourself. Now if you were cheating and inhaling twinkles by the handful that would be different. But you aren't and have been so kind in your responses to my brief stress moments 
