Rosa, you need to calm down and realize that you are putting yourself in a spinning circle by NOT taking care of yourself. Your depression will continue if you keep eating foods that could harm you - not only will you not feel good physically, you'll be even more depressed knowing that you are not doing the right thing. You are NOT too old to give up! I am also a depressed person - I'm bi-polar and I had a major nervous breakdown in January because I've been unemployed and completely broke for the past three years. I'm facing the very real possibility of homelessness soon. Thank goodness I'm an outpatient at a mental health facility or I would have committed suicide on February 1st, like I had planned, and taken my cats with me. I have to tell you that getting diagnosed with the Big D literally saved my life. I was easily doing a couple thousand carbs a day because - guess what - I was depressed! Getting diagnosed was the kick in the a$$ I needed to get my life together. I needed to be told I could DIE if I continued on my path. While things still aren't great, they are way better than they were a couple months ago and if I keep doing the right things, they'll get better still. I feel good about myself for taking responsibility for my health and I've lost a few pounds for the first time in my life now, so I have more energy. One thing about diabetes is it forces you to be responsible and disciplined. It's one thing to mess up once in a great while, but to ignore your health altogether and think that meds are going to cure it, that kind of thinking will kill you faster than the Big D. You are in the golden years of your life, you should be enjoying them instead of feeling sad. You said yourself you have a wonderful son, a loving husband - I have none of those things, but I force myself to take care of my health every day so that someday I'll be able to have those things.
I'd like you to watch this video and then tell us if you feel ignoring your condition is the best choice for you. Keep coming back here, we're all here for you!
YouTube - Fatman Ignores his Diabetes for the Love of Food
Love and blessings to you and all here! Thanks for that video clip - I gotta say that guy has a bigger chest than I have, LOL. I DO want to get this disease under control. Jeremy told me that even a small amt of noodles would cause my sugar to spike - he knew what he was talking about - we had chili made w/ground turkey & I had a little portion of noodles - not a good choice - about an hour later my sugar was 429! I took my Novolog and called my doctor's office. His nurse (actually is his wife) told me to calm down as STRESS will keep my sugar level up there. I told her I'm dying and she said NO - that I can do this. Gave me a little hope, and so have you. Tonight's snack will be sugar-free jello (I love it).
I've had more than one nervous breakdown so I can truly identify with you - and it was a horrid experience. I wasn't suicidal, though for the first time I actually thought about it (I'm referring to my worst episode that was in 1987). And yes, the depression causes me to crave - usually chocolate. You've described my situation exactly by the way. I'm VERY sorry that you're nearly homeless and that you have no money. My husband and I do okay but didn't realize how tight things would be when he retired, which was about 4 years ago or so. I went out on disability with the "big one of '87" - meaning my most severe nervous breakdown. I was not diabetic at that time. I'm about 50 lbs. overweight; was very thin all my life til I left work.
I know of a woman who actually lives in one of our local mental health facilities; are you or can you do that? I couldn't stand the thought of you being out on the street. I really don't think they would do that to you anyway if you had nowhere to go. You're also right that I need a wake-up call; I did have one with the first stroke - I quit smoking cold turkey and have felt wonderful about that ever since, and I'd been a chain smoker who thought I just could never quit. Now I've got to apply that attitude towards my eating habits. If I could do it with smoking, I should be able to do it with food. Your success story, and others here, are inspiring and very supportive. I have to make sure I at least read these posts every day, even if I don't say anything.
Do you have any family at all? I don't, on my side, except for my deceased sister's 4 kids, with whom I have no contact. But as I said earlier, my husband and son are my life, and I'm close to my husband's side of the family. His sister, now deceased, had 9 children, all grown now and everyone is very close. I love them all and had been very close to my sister-in-law. My own side of the family, well...let's just say I prefer to stay away from them (drugs, alcohol, jailtime, things like that). My mother passed away in Jan. of 2001 and although I basically loved her, I did not like her. She'd given me to my grandparents til I was 4 (actually Grandpa was my step-Grandpa but a wonderful man) and then when I got out of high school after my mother had remarried my stepdad, a very good man, had taken me back I returned to living with my grandparents by choice, who always kept a stable and responsible homelife, unlike my mother's, who was always chaotic, sorry to say. I owe my grandparents EVERYTHING and helped to take care of them both up until they passed. My precious grandmother was the mother of my heart (and yes, diabetic!). I hope you have some close family; you're too warm a person to not be close to someone, even some good and loyal friends.
If diabetes could shock you into taking care of your diet, then it can work for me also, I know it can. I'm responsible about everything except food! Everything else in my life is under control.
Do you have a doctor you can really talk to? I do, and it took me a long time to find him. The main characteristic I look for in a physician is good conversational rapport, and my doctor is great that way.
Thank you for your support and if there's any way I can help you, please let me know. God bless. I'm not religious in the conventional sense, but somewhat spiritual and I do pray. I'll include you in my nightly prayers. Good luck.