[annsrum]

My husband is a type 1 diabetic and has been one for 23 years now since he was 13.

Ever since I met him, he will periodically get extremely upset and depressed about the fact he has diabetes. In the beginning he would have times of saying stuff like he wished he had never fallen off that horse (his diabetes kicked in shortly thereafter). And would say he was so tired of being a diabetic and crying a lot.

He also got angry once about a year ago and punched a hole through the bathroom door. He said this was because he is so angry about his diabetes.

Then a year later he said he hated his job and started screaming and crying about how he just needed to quit and yelled at me and said he sometimes wished he wouldn't be alive. I told him to quit his job which seemed to appease him for a time. It scared me a lot, I told his mom and dad who circled the wagons. I mentioned his depression to endo who said he needed to mention it to our primary care. I got him an appointment with the primary care who put him on a anti-depressant (my husband did not mention his anger issues). I said I thought he needed to see a psychologist, but the dr said let's try the medicine first. He seemed ok after that for a time.

Now he sits at home all day and has made no move to get a job. He occasionally will do some dishes or laundry and mow the lawn, but not a lot more than he would have done while working. He occasionally mentions how tired he is of being a diabetic and acts like I cannot possibly understand (which I don't, and yet I kind of do a little since I have type II)

Yesterday he got angry and was kicking stuff and screaming and again it scared me a bit. He then settled down and acted like nothing ever happened.

I am irritated at his dr for not sending him to a psychologist. His follow up was while I was at work and of course he fibs and says he is fine. He is always telling the dr's what they want to hear so he doesn't have to deal with anything they want him to do extra. I don't think it is entirely normal to be this angry about diabetes but maybe I am wrong.

Anyone else know what I should do next? To me it feels like he has never accepted that he has diabetes and is deeply angry and depressed about it. But it's not like his diabetes is ever going away.

I am tired and stressed trying to care for him and our 1 year old daughter and working and caring for my own diabetes which I am not as good to watch lately because I am so tired.

Any advice would be good.

 

[volfan]

My husband is a type 1 diabetic and has been one for 23 years now since he was 13. Ever since I met him, he will periodically get extremely upset and depressed about the fact he has diabetes. In the beginning he would have times of saying stuff like he wished he had never fallen off that horse (his diabetes kicked in shortly thereafter). And would say he was so tired of being a diabetic and crying a lot. He also got angry once about a year ago and punched a hole through the bathroom door. He said this was because he is so angry about his diabetes. Then a year later he said he hated his job and started screaming and crying about how he just needed to quit and yelled at me and said he sometimes wished he wouldn't be alive. I told him to quit his job which seemed to appease him for a time. It scared me a lot, I told his mom and dad who circled the wagons. I mentioned his depression to endo who said he needed to mention it to our primary care. I got him an appointment with the primary care who put him on a anti-depressant (my husband did not mention his anger issues). I said I thought he needed to see a psychologist, but the dr said let's try the medicine first. He seemed ok after that for a time. Now he sits at home all day and has made no move to get a job. He occasionally will do some dishes or laundry and mow the lawn, but not a lot more than he would have done while working. He occasionally mentions how tired he is of being a diabetic and acts like I cannot possibly understand (which I don't, and yet I kind of do a little since I have type II) Yesterday he got angry and was kicking stuff and screaming and again it scared me a bit. He then settled down and acted like nothing ever happened. I am irritated at his dr for not sending him to a psychologist. His follow up was while I was at work and of course he fibs and says he is fine. He is always telling the dr's what they want to hear so he doesn't have to deal with anything they want him to do extra. I don't think it is entirely normal to be this angry about diabetes but maybe I am wrong. Anyone else know what I should do next? To me it feels like he has never accepted that he has diabetes and is deeply angry and depressed about it. But it's not like his diabetes is ever going away. I am tired and stressed trying to care for him and our 1 year old daughter and working and caring for my own diabetes which I am not as good to watch lately because I am so tired. Any advice would be good.

Does your husband acknowledge he has anger issues? I've never had to deal with something like this. Can you make a appointment with a psychologist or do you need a referral.

Hopefully he will get the help he needs. This has to be scary for you. I also hope you will stay safe. It doesn't sound like from what you said he's turned his anger towards anyone but it needs to get addressed before it escalates.

 

[annsrum]

Does your husband acknowledge he has anger issues? I've never had to deal with something like this. Can you make a appointment with a psychologist or do you need a referral.

Hopefully he will get the help he needs. This has to be scary for you. I also hope you will stay safe. It doesn't sound like from what you said he's turned his anger towards anyone but it needs to get addressed before it escalates.

Well since we are down to just my income, we need the referral in order to get insurance to pay. I am not sure if I can get him to go in or not and with me being at work it is hard to get off to take him.

I did not want to mention it yesterday since he was upset and was worried it might make things worse. He seemed to calm down afterwards and was on an even keel again. I just think he has deep seeded issues that he needs a professional to work through. I don't think there is any medicine that can numb this stuff down. I think it was irresponsible of his primary care to wait around and discount what I said.

 

[Shanny]

I know talk therapy is good, it has worked for us in the past, but sometimes it needs to be in conjunction with meds. My depression manifested as anger too; my doc put me on an antidepressant and it worked.

My husband had to address a similar situation many years ago after he suffered a closed head injury in a car accident and it left him with a cognitive disability. That disability evenually ended his career, and it was there that the depression/anger set in. He worked with a psychologist AND a psychiatrist (they were partners in one office) over several months until he got stabilized and then continued with only the psychologist. If meds are warranted, an MD doc is needed because psychologists can't prescribe, and sometimes they're even quite oriented against meds. Our own daughter is a clinical psychologist, and it has taken her many years to come around to understanding that her dad's issues are physical as well as emotional, and he cannot live safely and happily without the meds.

Good luck to you & your husband . . . if he does go on meds, they often take a few weeks to gain optimum blood levels, so be prepared.

 

[annsrum]

Does your husband acknowledge he has anger issues? I've never had to deal with something like this. Can you make a appointment with a psychologist or do you need a referral.

Hopefully he will get the help he needs. This has to be scary for you. I also hope you will stay safe. It doesn't sound like from what you said he's turned his anger towards anyone but it needs to get addressed before it escalates.

I know talk therapy is good, it has worked for us in the past, but sometimes it needs to be in conjunction with meds. My depression manifested as anger too; my doc put me on an antidepressant and it worked.

My husband had to address a similar situation many years ago after he suffered a closed head injury in a car accident and it left him with a cognitive disability. That disability evenually ended his career, and it was there that the depression/anger set in. He worked with a psychologist AND a psychiatrist (they were partners in one office) over several months until he got stabilized and then continued with only the psychologist. If meds are warranted, an MD doc is needed because psychologists can't prescribe, and sometimes they're even quite oriented against meds. Our own daughter is a clinical psychologist, and it has taken her many years to come around to understanding that her dad's issues are physical as well as emotional, and he cannot live safely and happily without the meds.

Good luck to you & your husband . . . if he does go on meds, they often take a few weeks to gain optimum blood levels, so be prepared.

He is on meds back when he freaked out about his job (two months ago). I really don't know that meds by themselves will help if he is taking them and still acting this way.

 

[MichaelCort]

If he doesn't want to go to psychotherapy, I think it's time you went to get some help for yourself which may help you deal with this situation.

I'm recently diagnosed with type 2 and I was just going to post how I've been doing some soul searching recently because I have a lot of anger that I've kept inside, but it's affecting my friendships because I'm subconsciously being negative with them in a sort of passive/aggressive way.

I have a feeling there must be other issues that are bothering him because not all type 1s exhibit such anger. It's too bad your PCP didn't refer him to a psychologist. I think that would have done him a LOT of good. Especially since he's expressed suicidal feelings.

 

[Shanny]

Well, there are lots of different ones, and my husband actually takes three different ones now to achieve stability and peace of mind. But it has taken us years to get it worked out and sometimes getting the right dosage has even meant shaving off a thin slice of the pills.

The biggest hurdle is getting him to see the doc and wanting to help himself. Depression pretty well eliminates their motivation too, so they find it very hard to get up & get moving. Depending on which drug he's on, the first half of that two months has prob'ly been just getting the levels of meds built up in his system. And some of these meds aren't something you can just stop taking when you have a notion - you need to be weaned off them slowly and carefully.

 

[annsrum]

He has been on and off anti-depressants for years dating back to his early 20's I believe. He has tried almost all of them at varying dosages and went off them about two years ago because he said they didn't work.

I am not sure if he had anger issues prior to me meeting him. It seems to have either manifested in the last couple of years or resurfaced after stopping his meds.

Recently his anger and depression have gotten worse so the meds must have helped some. I wanted him to go to a psychologist & get back on meds, but the dr still wanted to try just anti-depressants. I can't just get off work any old time and of course he fibbed at his follow up appt.

I think until he does some soul searching with a professional that the meds will only just partially mask the issues that are still boiling below the surface and erupting as scary anger and deep depression periodically.

I love him, but I had no idea things would get this bad when I married him or got pregnant. It is kind of depressing to me as I just want to be enjoying our little family right now and instead am worrying about him, worrying about money, and worrying about whether our daughter will pick up on any of his mood swings. And then of course I feel guilty for thinking about my own feelings. UGH

 

[gotsomeold]

Hugs annsrum!

Do you know how well your DH is managing his Diabetes? If something physical is out of control, it can add to depression/anxiety/anger. Do you know what his BG levels are, how often he tests, and what meds he is taking? Also, were there any concerns at his last medical physical?

 

[annsrum]

Hugs annsrum!

Do you know how well your DH is managing his Diabetes? If something physical is out of control, it can add to depression/anxiety/anger. Do you know what his BG levels are, how often he tests, and what meds he is taking? Also, were there any concerns at his last medical physical?

He checks his blood quite frequently but doesn't share with me what the readings are unless I ask and I have to be careful how much I ask or when. His last a1c was 7.0 which isn't great but not super bad either. He does have lows in the night but refuses to acknowledge them to the doctor as being more than once a month (I know better because I find wrappers on the counter in the mornings at least once a week). So the lows may be offsetting some highs in his a1c. He has no interest to use the Bolus wizard in his pump and skirts around what the dr says.

 

[Philip]

Hi annsrum,

Does your husband use the LCHF MOE ?, strangely it helped me become far more stable mood wise. Same with exercise, sounds piffling, but both helped. I realise that these factors may seem trivial, but every litte bit counts.

 

[annsrum]

Hi annsrum,

Does your husband use the LCHF MOE ?, strangely it helped me become far more stable mood wise. Same with exercise, sounds piffling, but both helped. I realise that these factors may seem trivial, but every litte bit counts.

He has been exercising a lot lately since he quit his job, and he will eat whatever I fix, but also has been drinking protein muscle milk type shake things which I suspect have a lot of carbs in them and lives off of protein bars when I am not home to cook. Not sure what the MOE stands for him your acronym though.

 

[Philip]

Method Of Eating.

By the way, I prepare my own simple but very healthy meals. Mainly vegetable salads with plenty of olive oil and some grilled fish or chicken. Also red meat but thats done by my wife. All LCHF natural foods.

 

[silvertiger]

I think the priority should be to get his A1C under 6. Highs and lows could have horrible effects on his mood. Maybe the LCHF diet could help him feel like he doesn't have to give up everything that tastes good?

 

[annsrum]

I think the priority should be to get his A1C under 6. Highs and lows could have horrible effects on his mood. Maybe the LCHF diet could help him feel like he doesn't have to give up everything that tastes good?

Unfortunately, I am not sure he is interested in my help for his a1c. He humors me and will eat what I cook, but he eats what he wants when I'm not around. At this point he has done things a particular way for so long that I don't know if he is willing to change that.

 

[Tamagno]

Personally, I'm inclined to anger when glucose is dropping and when my wife becomes too intrusive over my glucose management (usually justified on her part, but also often demonstrating some idea or other that just isn't true).

I ought to point out that my wife IS a clinical psychologist and works closely with psychiatrists whenever necessary. She's well aware of strengths and weaknesses of both talk and meds. I've met and known most of the practitioners in our area and can tell you there's tremendous variation in their areas of expertise and personal styles. Finding the right one is critical. Your PCP might be helpful in locating a suitable shrink.

Nothing can be done if your husband does not agree to go.

My own experiences with anti-depressants have not been especially good. The depression lifts somewhat, but so does concern over most anything, producing a disturbing ennui.

The psychiatric community has a refined definition of what constitutes clinical depression and medicateds or not accordingly. There are a wide variety of meds available depending upon the diagnosis.

While I won't defend his outbreaks of anger, I will say that being type 1 is a royal pain in the neck! The constant dietary problems, the trips to the ER and severe complications are awful. I expect these are far worse in a young man!

Perhaps a calm discussion during a time of peace is in order. Certainly the suggestion to go to counseling yourself is a terrific interim step you can easily take.

 

[gotsomeold]

If you cannot get your husband to go to a councilor, I encourage you to go yourself.

After his heart attack in 2002, DH had all of the physical and mental bad reactions to statins reported by millions but denied by many doctors. His mental condition sounds a lot like what you are going through. At first I did not know what was going on, just that he was terribly ill. The only reason the marriage survived is the councilor I saw by myself...and a fortuitous, non-debilitating stroke that resulted in changed medications.

As John says, councilors are not one size fits all. If you or he or both go, you may have to shop around some.

 

[foxl]

T1D is THE PITS to cope with. Add other stuff and bam!

I had an episode last night after which I expected the paint to peel off the walls. It was just a minor vent ... huh. But I felt better after it.

Actual drywall damage, though, can be costly. Especially if he is not working ... yep -- psychs in order to help him learn constructive ways of coping. CBT and if needed, meds. CBT is appealing to me -- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy -- because it does not provide the opportunity to get all introspective and self-pitying ... as some therapies can, sadly.

 

[annsrum]

T1D is THE PITS to cope with. Add other stuff and bam!

I had an episode last night after which I expected the paint to peel off the walls. It was just a minor vent ... huh. But I felt better after it.

Actual drywall damage, though, can be costly. Especially if he is not working ... yep -- psychs in order to help him learn constructive ways of coping. CBT and if needed, meds. CBT is appealing to me -- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy -- because it does not provide the opportunity to get all introspective and self-pitying ... as some therapies can, sadly.

I had read about that. I think that sounds like a good approach.

 

[annsrum]

His mom says his dad (who also has type 1) used to have angry fits just like these. To me it feels over the top reaction even if he is miserable. But perhaps it is somewhat a learned behavior by watching his father. I am wondering if it might not be a bad idea to get a punching bag for the garage while we work through this. I'd prefer he hit that and not doors or other objects that cost money to replace. I haven't talked to him yet about it much. I am waiting for good timing. Good to hear from other diabetics about it on here. When he is is on an even keel I get into a false sense that maybe things are ok but then I think that is a mistake. He is due back for a check up at the dr's in July. Hopefully I can make that appt and convince the dr to refer him to psychologist.